Love Come Rescue
by Hats-on-goats
Summary: Alex and Izzie. Izzie and Alex. She always thought that he was going to be her happy ending, that they'd have forever, but she was wrong. It's been six years since she last saw him, and when a dreadful fire hits her old place of work, Izzie realises that she still wants Alex to be her happy ending. But if he will be is a different matter entirely... Alex/Izzie
1. Chapter 1

_**a/n This is my first foray in to fanfiction so I hope it's okay. The idea of this came after I rewatched all of the early seasons of Grey's before the season nine finale. I don't like Jo, but it may have something to do with the fact that I can't really see Alex without anyone except Izzie! **_

_**Timeline: Takes place **__**3 years **__**after the season nine finale!**_

_**Rated: T for swearing and adult themes.**_

_**Pairing: Alex/Izzie, with a little Izzie/OC and Alex/Jo **_

_**Please enjoy and please read and review! **_

_Chapter 1_

The high, piercing wail of the heart monitor is all Izzie can hear as she pulls off her rubber gloves and puts them in the trash. She turns back and sees the small, fragile body of her patient. She was only thirteen years old and yet just a few seconds ago, Izzie announced to the world that she is dead. It's times like this, when she loses a patient that she wonders why she ever got into Peads to start with. When you lose a patient in Peads, it is so much worse than any other patient because they are so young, always so young. They have so much of their lives to live, so much is possible for them, and yet that possibility is taken so cruelly away from them. But it's worth it, if only for the times she manages to save someone.

She turns away from her patient – Henrietta, she was called – and pulls the privacy curtain along the rail. She steps out into the busy hospital and sighs. Today had already been hard enough without losing a patient. The Peads department at Brooklyn Hospital is horribly understaffed and as a result, Izzie has been working from eight in the morning right through till mid-night. She'd then go home, sleep until eight again, then get up and come back to the hospital. This has been her routine every day for two weeks. Izzie is so tired. And yet she keeps coming back, because the sick little kids need her. She glances at her watch and sees that the hands are slowly ticking towards the twelve figure. She has two hours to go.

Turning on the balls of her feet, and surveying the ward, she notes that no one seemed to be in desperate need of her. On the other hand, Izzie desperately needs a coffee and a sit down. She makes her way, slowly, to the elevator. She is delaying, waiting to see if she will be called away before she can get there. That had happened last time. She'd been going to the cafeteria to get a well-deserved coffee, when Henrietta had coded. Now an hour later - drained, one patient less, and even more in need of a caffeine fix, Izzie finally makes it to the elevator.

…

Ten minutes, and three cups of coffee later, and Izzie is sitting alone in the cafeteria. She has her cell phone out and is checking her messages and Facebook. Nothing new there. A shadow falls over the table and Izzie looks up. Ben is standing in front of her, holding two fresh coffees in his hands. She smiles and takes one that he offers. She sips greedily, as Ben joins her. Izzie turns and looks at Ben. He's got short, brown hair and sparkling brown eyes, which are the colour of milky coffee. _God_, she thinks, _I am thinking about coffee too much._ "Thanks." She says, after taking three long gulps of the burning liquid.

"No problem." Ben takes a sip of his drink. "I know how hard they work you up there. You deserve a coffee, Iz." She notices how he calls her Iz. He never used to do that, until recently. It doesn't sound right coming out of his mouth, and now, when Ben says it, all she can hear is another man calling her Iz.

Alex.

She's been thinking about Alex a lot recently. Sometimes, all she can see in her mind's eye is how handsome he looked on their wedding day. She knows she shouldn't be thinking like that. She knows why, though, and just a few seconds later, Ben reminds her of why she can't stop thinking about her wedding. "-and I thought you could go to the dress shop with Liz and Pen on Friday." She takes another sip of coffee, trying to avoid saying what her mind is begging her to say – that she doesn't want to go and try on dresses with Ben's sister and the only person she can call a friend that she has.

She remembers a time when she would be all over it, planning every conceivable thing she could, but now, Izzie doesn't want to talk about her and Ben's impending wedding. She fiddles with the expensive engagement ring that sits on her ring finger, still not used to it – even though she's been engaged for nearly three months.

And now she's drifted off again, thinking about Alex and that wonderful day that they got married. Even after all the crap that happened afterwards, she still thinks of that day as one of the best of her life. "Izzie?" Ben is talking to her now, and she is somewhere else entirely. "Iz?" There it is again, Ben calling her Iz. It irritates her and she isn't sure why. Almost everything Ben does at the moment irritates her. She puts it down to being so overtired. She puts the thoughts about Alex and her first wedding out of her head, and focuses on Ben telling her about a heart transplant he just got out of.

She doesn't tell him that he's boring her senseless because he's her fiancé and that would be rude. She remembers that she could tell Alex if he was boring her, and she wouldn't care if she sounded rude because Alex wouldn't care about it. _Damn it, _she internally curses,_ I'm thinking about Alex again. _She thanks god for small mercies when her pager goes off and she can finally escape Ben's mind numbingly boring technical explanation of the heart transplant. She makes her excuses and thanks him for the coffee again, pecks him on the lips and tells him she'll see him when she gets home. She walks quickly to the elevator, her mind quickly turning to why she would need to be paged. It just told her to get back up to the ward. She hopes so badly that it hurts that it isn't another kid coding.

…

It's quarter past twelve when she has finally walked the three blocks home, in the bracing February wind. She slips the key into the lock of the small apartment on the tenth floor of the building and the lock makes a satisfying click. Izzie swings the door open and enters what has been her home for nearly seven months and yet she's begun to notice recently that it doesn't really feel like home at all. She sticks her bag on the couch in the living room and crosses to the kitchen. She's expecting Ben to be here but he's not and soon she finds a note on the kitchen counter. It tells her that Ben has been called to an emergency at the hospital – it's not the first and it won't be the last – but she's still a little pissed at him.

She wanted to curl up on the sofa and watch old reruns of TV shows. She grabs a toffee flavoured yogurt out of the fridge and crosses back to the living room. She picks her bag up, fishes around in it until she finds her cell phone and then puts it on the floor. She opens her yogurt and turns the TV on. She flicks channels and finally settles on a rerun of a cooking show she used to like. The chef is preparing some sort of meal with lamb and thyme and before Izzie has finished her yogurt she has tuned out. She picks up her phone and checks her e-mails, Facebook and messages. There's nothing new. Nowadays there is hardly anything new. When she arrived in New York, she decided that relationships weren't really worth the hassle. She had made friends she thought would be for life back in Seattle, and when she had left, she had left all of them behind as well. She had come here to work, and that would be what she did. She had acquaintances, colleagues, people she talked to, but no close, personal friendships that had so defined her time at Seattle Grace. She had made one close friend though, a trauma surgeon called Penelope Saunders - or Pen for short. And she had Ben. Of course, she has Ben. She switches her attention back to the telly.

She changes the channel and chooses a late night news programme. She sits and watches reports of wars in far off countries and how the Greek economy is failing miserably. She slips her phone into her pants pocket and stands up, shuffling tiredly across the room to the door. All these things feel so far off and so inconsequential to her, but then a new story comes on that is so much more close to home. It catches her attention immediately.

'_A fire at the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, in Seattle, has left two doctors fighting for their lives._' She leans heavily on the door frame, turning to look at the screen as she does so. Hopes and fears run through her head. Those two doctors could be any combination of people that she once knew. They could be Shepard or Bailey or Meredith or Cristina or…or it could be Alex. Alex could be fighting for his life at that very moment and she wouldn't know. On the other hand it could be two doctors that weren't there when she was; two people that she doesn't know. The truth is, she has no idea and that hurts her a little. That hospital was once such a massive part of her life, and now she has no idea who is alive and who is dead.

She is further informed that the identities of the two doctors are unknown at the moment, but that the majority of the hospital was evacuated before the fire became a problem. On the screen is a picture of the hospital with smoke belching out of the windows. That doesn't calm her nerves at all. It still could be Alex. The hospital looks a bit of a state. She tries to convince herself that it's not just Alex that she is primarily concerned about, that she's worried about Meredith and Cristina too, just as much as Alex. But it doesn't stop her guts clenching tighter, or stop the fear that is coursing through her veins, or stop the tears that are starting to race down her cheeks.

She's been thinking about Alex a lot recently and now this has to happen and she is even further reminded of him. She can imagine him lying dead on the floor, having taken his last breath, his eyes staring blankly at the ceiling above. She feels utterly desolate at the thought, so she tries to banish the image from her head and recall the Alex that she knew, smiling and joking and so utterly _alive._

Alex cannot be dead. Izzie wouldn't survive.

She pulls her phone out of her pocket, her hands shaking wildly, and finds the contact details for the one person she has stayed in contact with from her time in Seattle. She puts the phone to her ear and waits, hoping that she wasn't involved in the fire, that she isn't hurt, because, as selfish as it sounds, Izzie needs her to tell her that Alex is fine. She picks up after six rings. "Callie." Izzie breathes into the phone. She's always found it strange that the only person she has stayed in contact with is the person whose marriage she ruined. She stayed in contact with Callie – who, if Izzie's honest, she thought hated her, but still, time after time, Callie keeps on helping her.

It all started when Izzie turned on the T.V., not long after she had left, to discover that there had been a mass shooting at the hospital. She found out that that many doctors had been hurt and four were dead. She'd hoped with every fibre of her being that Alex wasn't dead. That Meredith wasn't dead. That Cristina was dead. She had panicked, then. She had called everyone and no one had picked up, except Callie. Callie had picked up the phone and they had talked. Izzie had learned that Alex had been shot, which had sent her world sideways. Callie had reassured Izzie that he was alright now, but it had taken major will power not to fly straight out there. She remembers that she just kept reminding herself that Alex had told her not to come back.

Callie told her that Derek and Owen had been shot and four people were dead. She told Izzie their names, but she couldn't put a face to any of them. They didn't talk for long, but Izzie was grateful that she wasn't talking to Meredith or Cristina, because they would have asked too many questions. Callie didn't ask her any questions. And that was how their strange arrangement had been born.

Izzie didn't call Callie again, until she turned on the radio in her car to discover that a group of doctors from the Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital had been involved in a plane crash. Again, Callie had told her the facts; that Alex hadn't been on the plane, but that Meredith and Cristina had been. Callie had called back a couple of days later, to tell her that Lexie was dead, and apart from that Meredith and Cristina were fine.

The calls had become more regular after that. Soon, Izzie would call and she wouldn't even have to ask, Callie would just tell her if Alex was okay or not. Callie hadn't called her up on the fact that the focus of her calls had shifted from how Meredith, Cristina _and _Alex were, to just how Alex was. Even though their relationship had ended six years ago, now, Izzie still couldn't sleep at night without Callie's reassurances that Alex was doing fine. Not for the first time, Izzie wondered why Callie was helping her this way. She wondered why Callie was telling her all these things. To be honest, she couldn't care less why, all she cared about was that she that she did.

Izzie tried not to think about why she was doing it, because then it got complicated. It was her fault that their marriage had ended, and yet, here she is, still holding on to the tatters that they had become. She was engaged to another man, for goodness sake, why couldn't Ben be enough?

"Callie." Izzie repeats. And even though she tells herself that she doesn't care, fear grips her insides again. Normally Callie is quick to answer her, to calm her terrors.

"I'm sorry," The two words hit her like a punch to the guts. "but Alex…Alex is hurt, Izzie." Callie pauses on the other end of the line, and Izzie notices that she sounds as if she has been crying. Callie wouldn't cry for Alex, would she? Besides, there's no need to cry over him, when he's going to be okay, right?

"How bad is it?" She almost doesn't want to know, but she has to know. It's worse not knowing.

Callie didn't say anything for a second. "Izzie…it's bad."

"Tell me." She whispers down the phone.

"He's got…he's got 15% third degree burns to his chest and arms. He was struggling to breathe. They've taken him into theatre and he's still there." Callie speaks quietly. "He looked peaceful when I saw him. He looked okay." Izzie takes Callie's words and holds on to the only shred of hope she has.

"Who…who else was hurt in the fire?" Izzie asks, tentatively. She had been so caught up in Alex, that she's forgotten that Meredith or Cristina could also have been involved. That they could be even more hurt than Alex. God, they could be dead and she'd been selfish and only thought about Alex.

Callie doesn't speak for a long while. "Arizona." Callie says softly, down the phone. Izzie can hear the pain in Callie's voice as she says her wife's name. Arizona was hurt in the fire. That must be why Callie was crying. It's obvious now she knows.

"I'm sor-" Before she can get any further, Callie interrupts her.

"She's not as bad as Alex." Callie's words come out harshly, and for the first time in sinks in a little. Alex could die, that's what Callie means. Arizona isn't as bad as Alex because she won't die but he might. The thought rips through her like a stab to the chest. Alex could die. He could freaking die on her. She drops the phone to her side, as sobs wrack her frame and more tears flow down her cheeks.

With tears pouring down her cheeks, she asks Callie the question she's wanted to know the answer to from the moment she knew that Alex was hurt. "Is he going to die?"

There's not a sound from the other end of the line for a long, excruciating moment. "He's in theatre at the moment. He's got the best doctors he could have." Both women are painfully aware that Callie hasn't answered the question.

"No, Callie, tell me. It's simple. Either he's going to die, or he's not. What is it?" She's nearly screaming down the phone now. She has to know if Alex is going to die. Could she survive if he did?

Yes, her brain keeps telling her, but her heart is telling her another thing entirely. How the heck could she live without Alex Karev out there? Even though he's isn't part of her life anymore, if he was gone, she has no idea how she would cope.

"Izzie, you're a doctor, you know it's not as simple as that-" Callie starts, but she doesn't get much further.

"Not at this moment, I'm not, Callie." She shouts. She can't be rational because it's Alex, and she never could be rational where he was concerned. "At this moment, I can't think like a doctor and I need you to tell if he's going to live or die."

"You need to calm down."

"Calm down?" Izzie laughs. It is a hollow laugh. "Calm down? Alex might die. How the hell can I calm down?"

Callie doesn't say anything for a long while. "Izzie, he's a fighter. I think he'll make it." It's not exactly what Izzie wants to hear, but it's enough. She thanks Callie quietly and then the other woman speaks. "I'm going to hang up on you now, because I can't bear to hear another minute of your and Karev's relationship drama." Callie hangs up on her then and all she can think about is seeing Alex. She wants to see Alex, wants to see with her own eyes that he is she? They hadn't left things ideally. But he'd had clearly told her to move on, to be happy and not to come back. And yet, even though she had come back to try and work things out, she had let him tell her what was best for them, for him. She had left.

She has never stopped regretting that day, and how easily she had let go of them and all that they were. They had battled through so much – Denny, Ava/Rebecca and then the cancer – and they'd come out the other side of the tunnel married and, Izzie thought, happy – and yet, they gave up so quickly and easily.

Then she hears the door to the apartment swing open. Ben's back. She takes a shaky breath and quickly wipes the tears from her cheeks. What would Ben think if he knew why she was crying just now? He would be angry, she knows that much, and he might end their relationship. Why would he want to get married to someone who still worries and cares about her ex?

Before Ben appears in the kitchen doorway, Izzie makes a split second decision. She wants to go see Alex, just to make sure he's okay - nothing more, nothing less – and what is there to stop her? _He could have a wife and eight kids for all I know_, Izzie thinks, but instantly, she regrets the flippancy of them. He could have eight kids with someone else, but her kids, if she has any, are destined to be his. The cancer robbed her of that chance.

She takes a deep breath, and makes the decision. Izzie is going to see Alex again.

…

It's been two weeks since she saw the hideous pictures of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital on the TV screen. It's taken her this long to arrange this trip out here. Her boss wouldn't give her any time off until he could get someone to cover her because the department is so understaffed and it took him what seemed like an age, to Izzie, to find someone.

The hospital looks so much better than it did on the screen. There looks like the fire only cause minimal damage. She runs her hands through each other, the fingers intertwining and twisting. She goes to fiddle with her ring, and then remembers that it is no longer there. She ended things with Ben last night, finally realising that it wasn't fair to keep stringing him along. She doesn't want to marry him. She likes him, but their relationship had just been fun on Izzie's part. It had always been Ben who had taken the relationship to the next level. It had been Ben who had asked her to move in with him and it had been Ben who had proposed. Izzie found that she couldn't say no to him at the time, but now she can. She feels genuinely sorry if she's hurt him, but it is for the best, really.

She hikes her bag further up her shoulder and rubs her forehead. God, she's tired. She had to get up at midnight to catch the six-hour flight and she's got to go back tonight. Her flight is booked for nine that evening, which means she won't be back in New York until at least three in the morning. And still, she has volunteered to work tomorrow. She starts walking towards the entrance to the hospital.

She passes several doctors as she walks through the reception area, but she recognises no one. She gazes around the room, hoping against hope that she sees someone, anyone, that she knows – or at least knew, but she doesn't.

Then she feels a hand on her back and she swivels around quickly. A burly, black doctor, wearing blue scrubs, looks down at her with concern. "Are you lost, Miss?" He asks.

"Doctor." She corrects, automatically. She bites her lip the moment she says it, realising she sounded rude. "I'm looking for Alex Karev. He was involved in the fire here." Izzie asks, waiting with baited breath for the answer.

"Yeah, I know where Dr Karev is, but you see, it's not visiting hours at the moment. Sorry, but I've got to ask you to come back at six." The man takes great pains to sound respectful. Izzie looks down at her wrist. It's half ten in the morning.

"Oh." She says, quietly. "It's just that I've come all the way from New York to see him. I can only stay today and I've got to be at the airport at six." The doctor looks as if he's about to say that he can't bend the rules for her, even if she's come all the way from New York for this one day and can't stay until visiting time.

"Izzie?" She hears her name and looks around in confusion. It takes her a few seconds to see Meredith Grey standing a little way behind her. Izzie hasn't spoken to Meredith in close on six years, now. She doesn't look much different, just a few more wrinkles here and there. She notes how tired the other doctor looks. "Isobel Stevens. Long time, no see." Meredith says, raising an eyebrow.

Izzie suddenly feels guilty for the way that she spoke to Meredith the last time they spoke. She said that Seattle was no longer her home, what she didn't know was that it wasn't her choice to make – Seattle was in her bones just as much as being a doctor was. "I'm sorry." She blurts out, and she watches as Meredith's expression changes from shock to confusion.

"Sorry for what?"

"How we left things. I was stupid. I was so, so, so stupid." She says, giving Meredith a small smile. She's imagined this reunion a few times during the years and not once did it ever go like this.

"Yeah, well…" Meredith trails off, awkwardness spreading over them. "I guess you're not here to see me, as much as I would like that. You're here for Alex, right?" Izzie is slightly shocked at how easy she is to read.

"I wanted to check that you were all okay. Not just Alex." Izzie says, and too late realises that she sounds far too defensive.

"But mostly Alex." Meredith says, knowingly. After a few seconds, Izzie concedes defeat and nods. "You'll want to see him, I guess." Again, Izzie nods.

"But that doctor just told me that visiting hours are not until six, so that sucks. I've got to be at the airport at six, so..." She takes a deep breath in and sighs. "It sucks big time."

"Yeah." Meredith leans in, conspiratorially. "They let me and Cristina see him." Izzie feels a little disappointed that Mere and Cristina could see him, and she's not allowed. That's what happens when you leave for six years, she guesses. She's so wrapped up in her thoughts that she nearly doesn't hear Meredith's next words. "So I think we could sneak you in." Meredith looks up at her, smiling, and Izzie is transported back seven years, back to a time when they were all together – back before the cancer and she messed it up so badly. "Just follow me."

And so she does. They walk across the room and to the stairs. They start climbing in silence. "Just because I'm helping you, doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you for walking out." Meredith says, quietly, after a couple of seconds. "We need to have a long, long talk, Izzie, but as you're only here for a day, I thought seeing Alex was more important." Izzie nods.

"So…" Izzie starts, not knowing quite what to say, or how long they've got. "How are you and Shepherd?"

"Good."

"Any kids yet?"

"Two." This surprises Izzie a little. "A daughter called Zola, who we adopted, and a son, called Bailey." Despite wanting to know more, Izzie doesn't pry any further. She lost the privilege to know all the details about her friend's life when she left.

"What about you?" They both know the complications that will arise if Izzie answers yes to this question.

"I did think about it…but I wanted my kid to have a dad – and I couldn't see Alex having a child with me - not after me leaving like that. So no, no kids for me." She did seriously consider using the embryos, but then she thought how unfair that would be to Alex, even though he let her have all legal right over them in the divorce. She couldn't make him a father without him knowing – and she couldn't get the courage to ask him, scared of rejection. She sees Meredith nodding in the corner of her eye.

Meredith leaves Izzie alone at the top of the stairs. She's gone to distract certain people so that Izzie can see Alex. She returns five minutes later, a smile on her face. "Ready to see him? He's asleep at the moment, but I figured you'd want to see him anyway." Izzie gives her a tight nod, not trusting her voice. Meredith leads her across the hallway and into a room. She looks up, and her breath is robbed from her lungs. Alex is laying the bed. His chest is wrapped in bandages. Izzie resists the urge to grab his chart and to discover everything about his treatment, about how bad he is, about how close to death he is; but somehow, she doesn't think that will help much. "He's so much better now. He recovering, Iz, and he's going to be alright."

Meredith realises that Izzie isn't really listen to her, and that her gaze is fixed on Alex. "I'll leave you to it, then. I'll come and get you when you've got to go." Izzie nods and Meredith leaves. She stays standing for a few more minutes, just starting at her motionless ex. She can see the rise and fall of his chest, so her butterflies finally settle down – just to be replaced by more.

"Hey, Karev." She says, quietly, making her way to the chair next to the bed. "It's Izzie." She doesn't know what else to say, so she just takes his hand in hers, and smiles. "I just wanted to see you. To make sure you're okay. You look good. You still look hot in a hospital bed with 15% burns, that's some kind of achievement, even for you, Alex." She gives a small laugh, surprised how natural she feels around him even after all this time – maybe it's something to do with the fact he's asleep. "I just…" She starts. She closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath in. "I'm so sorry, Alex. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry." She repeats the three words again and again until they blur into each other, and her vision blurs with tears. She brings his hand up to her face and kisses it gently. "I'm sorry." She whispers into the hospital room. She stops speaking, running out of things to say. Instead, she watches as his heavily bandaged chest rises and falls. Each breath goes in and then out, in and out.

After a while, when she's satisfied that he is actually breathing, her eyes wander to his face. He hasn't changed much since she last saw him, just a few more wrinkles. Watching him, lying in a hospital bed with his eyes tight shut, she feels a something in her chest that she hasn't felt in a long time. With a start, she realises what it is.

She loves him. Izzie loves Alex.

She sits very still after she realises this. So many things suddenly make sense to her with this revelation. She finally recognises her reasons why she made all those panic stricken calls to Callie and why she hurt so much at the thought of him hurting. She loves him. She doesn't think she ever stopped. She also realises that this is the reason she and Ben could never work.

She looks back down at her ex-husband and gives him a small smile. "I love you so much, Alex." She tells him, softly and quietly, making sure she doesn't wake him. She brings his hand back up to her face and kisses it softly; just she notices that someone else is in the room. She tears her eyes from Alex and looks up. A woman with dark hair and dark eyes is standing in the doorway, wearing the blue scrubs that Izzie remembers so well. This woman is staring at her, rage burning in her eyes. Izzie is confused for a second – this woman is looking at her as if she was to kill her. Then she speaks, and it all becomes clear to Izzie.

"Why the heck are you telling my husband you love him?"

…

_**And so goes the beginning..**_

_**The next chapter should be up soon, but I've just started school again, so they won't be as regular as I would like. I'm not sure now long this fic will be, but it will be a couple of chapters at least, probably more, - I've got most of the story planned out.**_

_**Hope you liked my story!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_I wasn't expecting to finish this chapter so quickly, but due to a surprising lack of school work, I had the free time to complete it! Whoo! So here it is..._**

**_Also: in reply to the anonymous review. I'm not going to make Jo a beast just so that Alex and Izzie can get together. On the other hand, I do think she has some anger issues, so she will get angry. I don't mean to make Jo look like the bad guy, she's not. _**

_Chapter 2_

"_Why the heck are you telling my husband you love him?" _

It takes a few seconds for the words to sink in but when they do, it hits her like a kick in the stomach. Her eyes flick to Alex's ring finger and she curses how stupid she must have been to not see it. Why didn't anyone tell her? Why didn't Callie tell her in any number of the calls she made to her? Meredith must have assumed she already knew. She looks back up at the woman standing in the doorway, shooting daggers in Izzie's direction. "Well?" The woman demands.

Izzie stands shakily up and turns to face this woman who she doesn't know, and yet she already hates, because, even though she knows it's not true, she feels as if this woman is her replacement. She takes a deep breath in and speaks quietly into the room. She has to know for certain. "You're his wife?" She can't quite hide the surprise in her tone. Saying the words makes it all the more real. Her eyes keep flicking between Alex and his wife as she finally realises how fruitless her trip here has been. She moved on, she was engaged to another man up until last night, so why didn't she expect that Alex might have been married? Maybe because she couldn't marry someone else, she didn't think he'd be able to – but he did, and the proof is staring her in the face.

She feels tears stinging her eyes but she resolves not to cry in front of this woman. She takes a deep trembling breath in but then she feels a tear trace its way down her cheek and curses under her breath. She feels her resolve breaking and more tears join the one trickling down her face. Alex's wife is staring at her now, but she doesn't care. She turns back to look at Alex on more time, maybe for the last ever time. Her heart aches for him, looking so peaceful asleep. She remembers a time when she used to love watching him sleep.

Izzie blinks and more tears spill down her cheeks. She feels so confused, but one thought is clear in her head. _I cannot stay in this room any longer. _Izzie glances back at Alex quickly, knowing full way that this may be the last time she will see him and that hurts her more than she cares to admit. She wants to tell him that she loves him still, but she can't, because she's already in trouble for spilling her feelings the first time. Izzie takes three big steps and pushes past Alex's wife and out of the room. She races down the corridor, trying to stop the tears that are pouring now. She goes past Meredith and Cristina, who are sitting not far from Alex's room. She reaches the on-call room and pushes the door open forcefully. Her tears are blinding her. She is blindly stumbling across the room. Her shins hit the metal bar at the bottom of the bed and she collapses on to the mattress. She curls up in a ball, sobs shuddering her frame.

She hears the door open and she sits up quickly, wiping the tears off of her face, tensing herself for round two with the new model. "Forgot to lock the door, that's old, Izzie." Meredith says, softly, as she crosses the room and joins her on the bed. "I'm guessing it didn't go well with Alex?"

Izzie shakes her head. She swings her legs off of the side of the bed and rests her elbows on them. "He got married." Izzie whispers quietly into the room.

"Oh, Iz, I thought you knew." Meredith says, sounding surprised.

"Well, I didn't." Izzie feels more tears threating to fall and she decides she will not cry for Alex Karev ever again. It's not like he cares about her anymore. He got married! He got freaking married and no one told her. She wipes her tears away angrily and feels pathetic. "But I don't care." She adds, but both of them know that she's just saying it, that she doesn't mean it. She wouldn't be crying in here if she did.

Meredith looks at her old friend and shakes her head. "Izzie, you don't-"

She cuts her friend off. "Yes, I do. I don't care." She says, vehemently. "I don't care." She repeats, slapping her hands on the bed sheets next to her. "I don't care." She reiterates, as if repeating it again and again will somehow make it true. She says it again and again, hitting the bed harder and harder, until her fingers sting and her palms ache. And still, she doesn't believe it. "I love him." Izzie murmurs - her voice low, tears pooling in her eyes again - the truth.

"Oh, Iz." Meredith says, quietly, pulling her into a hug. The tears come again then, a never ending flood of pure heart-breaking anguish. When Izzie sits up, her eyes red and puffy, her heart is broken just a little bit more.

…

As Alex starts to wake up, his mind wonders back to something he's been trying to puzzle out. Why the heck does he see Izzie? When he is teetering on the edge of death, why is it Izzie he sees? Why doesn't he see his wife or his mom or, honestly, anyone else but her? He saw her when he was dying after he was shot, and he saw her two weeks ago when the flames finally consumed him. He seriously thought the Seattle Grace Mercy Death curse would hit him next, though that joke is sort of out of date now the hospital is no longer called that – now that the name of the hospital honours the dead.

Maybe he sees her because, though he doesn't like to think about it, Izzie meant something to him – though Jo means a lot to him, as well, as does his mother, along with, he is loath to admit, Meredith and Cristina, so that doesn't make much sense. Then a thought strikes him that leaves him terrified.

He sees her because she is dead. Maybe Izzie is dead and when he is dying he sees her because he can see into whatever there is after death and Izzie is calling for him. He doesn't believe in an afterlife and yet this, for some reason, sounds like the more likely reason to him. The cancer could've come back just after she left and she probably wouldn't have had the strength to fight it. He feels sick just thinking about it and that he can't prove or disprove his theory, because she changed her number and moved out of the state to only god knows because Alex told her _leave_.

When Alex Karev opens his eyes – the first thing he does of the new day except worry – he feels sick. Instantly, he sees that Jo had come to see him. Their eyes meet and Alex feels a little guilty. Jo is his wife now, not Izzie. It should be her he worries about, not his ex. He puts the thoughts of Izzie out of his head, not before he remembers how she looked when she died in his arms. They saved her then, but would she be that lucky a second time? Jo comes towards him and sits on the seat next to his bed. She helps him rearrange his bed so that he is sitting up. It is now that Alex notices that she is scowling.

"What's wrong?" He asks, realising that something is up with her. She doesn't meet his inquisitive gaze, instead looking purposefully away.

"You could've just ended it, Alex, you know." Jo says, barely bothering to conceal the anger and the outright hostility in her voice. His mind spirals as he tries to work out what she means.

"Ended what?" He asks, trying not to sound completely confused. He's got to have missed something – and by the sound of it, something major.

"Us." The words hit him and bounce straight off. He doesn't get it. Why is Jo talking about him ending their marriage? Before he can analyse her words any further, she continues. "I mean you already have, but why couldn't you have just saved me the hassle and just told me that you wanted out." She sniffs distastefully. Finally, she stands and turns to face him, anger burning in her eyes. He is taken aback by the aggression.

"What the heck, Jo, _I_ wanted out? You're the one who sounds like they want out." He could have chosen to talk this out calmly, but his walls are already up – he's been waiting for this moment since they tied the knot. There had to be something about him that made his wives run away from him, something so fundamentally wrong with him that they couldn't stay with him. "I thought we were happy, Jo. I really thought we were, but now you're pissed at me for no reason and you want us over." He's still confused, but he's angry now – at that is not a good mix for Alex. "Is there someone else? Are you leaving me for another guy?" He demands, but Jo breaks out in laughter the second he finishes. Suddenly, he wonders if this all some big joke and she'll call April fool on him in a sec, and this would all be over. But it's not April and now Jo has stopped laughing and is fixing him with what he has nicknamed her 'death glare'.

"You are a hypocritical bastard, Alex Karev." Rarely has Alex ever heard Jo so angry during the three years he has known her. "You accuse me of sleeping around, and yet it's you who's screwing other women!"

The accusation hits him like a ton a bricks, and for a second, Alex flounders in the knowledge that Jo thinks that he is cheating. He isn't, he wouldn't – he was right when he said that he thought they were happy. He was happy; he was in a good place right up until the moment his wife told him maybe they should call it time. Then anger wells up in side of him. He does she think he is? Maybe he has a reputation, but everything changed when he fell for her.

"Who the hell do you think I am, Jo? Where the heck has this come from?" He counters, not caring how loud he is.

"Oh, let me think?" She mocks. "It comes from the fact that I walked into my _husband's _hospital room to find that another woman was in here and she's telling you she loves you!" For the second time that morning, Alex is completely taken by surprise. Whatever he was expecting Jo to say – that she'd read his texts and found some dodgy ones, or that she'd been talking to someone – it wasn't this. He can't think of a retort, because he's too busy thinking about why there was a woman telling him she loved him. He comes up stumped.

"Oh, come on, Alex, you could at least tell me who she is."

"I don't know."

"For god's sa-"

"I _don't_ know." He closes his eyes and rubs his forehead. He already has a pounding headache and he's only been awake for a maximum of ten minutes. "Maybe she escaped from psych or something." He says, trying to make sense of everything. Jo gives him a stony stare. "Maybe she did." He offers, more sure of himself this time. It's the only thing that he can come up with.

"Well, even if she escaped from psych," She speaks thornily and gives him another stony stare. "explain how she knew your name. She was genuine, Alex. I heard her, remember. She was genuine." She looks away from him again, as if she can't bear to look at him another second. "She seemed so surprised when I told her I was your wife." Jo said, trying to needle a reaction out of him, trying to get him to slip up, to admit it, but Alex wasn't going to because it wasn't true. "You didn't tell her. You led her along, lying to her, just to get her into bed. You sicken me, Alex." Alex snaps.

"I am not cheating on you!"

"Don't lie to me!"

"I'm not lying."

"Yes-"

"Listen to me, Jo!" He yells. "I'm not cheating on you. I haven't slept with anyone. And no, I have no idea about the women who was in here." He said, exasperated. Jo looks back at him, her face softening. "She must have been a mad woman, Jo, I promise you. I swear." He looks up at her, and he feels the anger seeping away. What was she meant to think? "I promise, Jo. I promise."

She takes a step towards him, and Alex can see the confliction in her face. He's close to convincing her, he can see. "I promise you, Jo." She falters and stares at him. For a second, he can see the vulnerability in her face. He's only seen this part of her a handful of times, and none of them recently.

"Alright, Karev." She says hesitantly. Then, in a flash, she is by his bed and he is trying to hug her, awkwardly though, because of the burns. She buries her head in his uninjured shoulder. He ignores her tears, as they slip down his shoulder and one by one, soak his bandages. A few seconds later, she pulls her head away, and sinks back into the chair. "You gave me a scare there, Karev." She says, shakily, trying to trivialise the last ten minutes. "Who do you think she is?" Jo asks, after a little while.

"Some crazy, I guess. Maybe a crazy ex, I don't know." Alex shrugs, hoping that they are back to normal now.

"You have any crazy exes, then Alex?" She teases and he thinks, that maybe, they are back on track now.

"I do seem to have that effect on women. Two of my exes did end up in psych at one time or another." He pauses, and sees her smile, before continuing. "Though I hasten to add, I was not the cause of their issues and that they both recovered well." He smiles as, well, but also feels a little sad. He remembers the two exes he just mentioned vividly. First it was Rebecca - with her memory loss and husband and fake pregnancy. Then there was Lexie…Lexie who freaked out after the shooting and who he abandoned so callously - Lexie who went and died in the plane crash. With Mark. He always found it a comfort that Mark was up there with her. It wasn't that he was glad that Mark was dead, but at least Lexie wasn't alone.

"Alex?" Jo says, and he realises that she is looking at him funny.

"Sorry, I sorta just drifted off there." Jo smirks at him, and then looks away.

"I'm sorry." She says quietly.

"Don't-" He starts.

"I have to. I jumped to conclusions and I got angry and I shouted and I'm sorry." She nods, and then stands up. "Well sorry, Alex, but some of us don't just get to lie in bed all day, so I better be getting back to work." She leans tentatively down and they share a little kiss. Alex smiles as he watches Jo go, but before she gets to the door, a knock sounds out. Alex frowns, as does Jo, before his wife leans over and swings the door open. Alex's mouth falls open.

Izzie is standing in the doorway.

…

She stands, like a rabbit caught in headlights, in the doorway, both Alex and his wife staring at her. She tries to speak but nothing comes out and she just shuts her mouth again. It was hard seeing Alex asleep but now he is awake, it's even worse. His dark eyes are fixed her and she feels as if he is looking straight through her. It would have been hard enough without his wife in the room, but she is and she is staring at Izzie as well.

"Iz." Alex says her name softly and just how she remembers it.

Izzie watches as the smile on Alex's wife's face slowly turns to a glare. "You said you didn't know her." She sees a look of surprise cross Alex's face, but then it's gone.

"Jo, Jo, please look at me." Alex begs. For a second, Izzie wonders who he is talking to, but then his wife turns to look at him. Jo turns slowly to face him, and Izzie suddenly gets the impression that she's missed something big. "I know her, okay, but it's alright. I'm not sleeping with her. Izzie is a very old friend. I've known her for years, but we lost contact a while ago, which is why you've never met her before. She cares a great deal about me and me about her and she was probably very surprised that I got married. I wasn't really marriage material, was I Jo?" He speaks softly, comfortingly, and she suddenly gets it. Jo thought that Alex was sleeping with her. She feels sad that he can't explain their relationship to his new wife, instead lying and saying they're old friends. The line about her caring about him and him about her got to her and she can feel tears stinging her eyes. She closes her eyes and wills herself not to cry and it works, no tears fall. She will not cry over Alex Karev again.

It is only after Meredith begged her that she came back to his room. She was already to run to the airport and wait there for hours till her flight. That was preferable to round two with the new model. "Jo, didn't you have to get back to work?" Alex nudges, and she realises what he is doing. He wants her alone before he starts shouting. Jo wises up and nods. She gives Izzie a look that she can't identify as she walks past her. Maybe it was hate.

Izzie waits for Jo to clear the corridor before moving further into the room and pulling the door to. She turns back, bracing herself for the shouts. "What the hell are you doing here?" He snaps.

"I saw about the fire on the T.V." She starts, but Alex doesn't let her finish.

"So? You didn't need to fly _all_ the way here. Where is home for you? I didn't quite catch it last time." His voice is harsh and Izzie can tell he is being a jerk because he is angry at her for turning up out of the blue. But then again, if he wants to shout, then Izzie can give him a shouting match. She wants to be honest with him, so she'll give him honesty.

"Alex-"

"No, Izzie, I told you to go and not come back. I told you to be happy. I sure am. Why have you come, anyway?" The words sting, cutting into wounds that are six years in the making. His words from that day – the day they ended – have always haunted her. They were her excuse not to go see him after the shooting, the driving force for her to continue her floundering relationship with a man she didn't love. And still, she hadn't been happy.

"I had to see if you were alive, because I wouldn't cope if you were dead, Alex. Okay? That's why I came." Her words silence Alex for the time being, so she plods forward. "I'm sorry, Alex. I'm sorry I left. I could tell you that the cancer messed up my brain or something like that. I'm cancer free, Alex, by the way. I'm almost normal." She pauses. "I'll spare the lies, though. The reason I left is so that you couldn't leave me first. I was terrified that I was going to lose everything. The cancer took so much away from me and then I lost my job, I thought you were going to leave next. So I left before you could. I know that doesn't make sense now, but it did at the time." She stops to catch her breath and watches Alex's reaction. "But I came back, Alex! To try and fix things. Then you told me that you loved me but that you were too good for me," Alex goes to interrupt, but Izzie continues before he can. "Not in those exact words, but that's what you meant. I let you win, I walked away, Alex, d'you want to know why?" Alex doesn't say anything.

"Because I loved you, Alex. You thought you deserved better? I let you have better because you thought it would make you happy. So I left. I wasn't going to come back, but today I realised something." She stops, her eyes meeting Alex's, as if they both know what's coming. "I still love you, Alex. I tried so hard not to be, but I didn't work." Alex averts his gaze. "You told me to go, to be happy and not to come back. I only did one of those things, Alex. I went." She lets the meaning of her words sink in.

"Iz-"

"Shut up, Alex." She says, softly. "I know you loved me to. I don't know if you still do, but I like to think you have a special place in your heart just for me." She gives him a small smile. "I love you so much it hurts. I tried to move on. I was freaking engaged but I couldn't do it!" She throws her arms up in the air. "I couldn't marry this lovely, charming heart transplant surgeon because I'm still in love with you!" She takes a deep breath. "You don't have to say it back. I don't expect you to." She says, quietly. "And I love you so much I'm going to do the right thing. You have a wife, Alex. A beautiful, probably wonderful wife, who you love. And even though that hurts like hell," There's a pain in Izzie's chest now, like some has wrapped a rubber band around her middle, again and again and again and now it's too tight and she can't breathe. "I'm going to walk away." Alex looks up at her then, sharply. "I had my chance and I blew it. So I going to go back to New York and I'm going to work my ass off working double shifts because the Peads department at the hospital I work at it so understaffed it's unbelievable. And I'm not going to bother you, and I'm going to let you live the life you want because I love you so much that you come before me. You want her, you can have her. I'm not going to put up a fight. This is goodbye, Alex, and goodbye forever. I'm not going to come back again." She finishes, and closes her eyes again. The rubber band is even worse now, slowly suffocating her. "Goodbye, Alex."

She turns and walks to the door, not looking back, until he speaks. His voice is laden with emotion but she doesn't mishear his words. "Kiss me." She turns back.

"Alex-"

"If this is goodbye, Iz, kiss me." She's just admitted that this will be the last time until the day that she dies that she will see him, so she allows her this one tiny thing. She's letting Jo have forever, so why can't she just have now?

She takes the three steps to the side of his bed slowly, not taking her eyes of his. She puts her hand on his cheek and gives him a sad smile. He kisses her first, softy at first, but then Izzie kisses back and it quickly becomes passionate. She's missed kissing him. She feels so alive, like there's electricity running through her veins. She breaks the kiss and strokes his cheek gently. She lowers her head, so that they're cheeks are touching. "I love you so much, Alex." She whispers quietly, before she kisses him again. This kiss is different, gentle, longing and wistful.

She ends it, and straightens up, looking down at him. They're eyes meet and for a second, she wants to breakdown, to beg him to give her another chance. Then she sees the ring on his finger and she looks away, ashamed of her thoughts. Alex is married to someone else now, not her. She blew it. She gives him another pensive smile before turning and walking unhurriedly out of the door. She doesn't look back – it would be too hard to look back.

…

Alex watches Izzie until the door closes behind her. He sits, his back ramrod straight, for at least half a minute, computing what Izzie has just admitted to him. He feels confused and tired and, most of all, hurt. He closes his eyes and rubs his forehead. He can't quite understand what this means for him and for Izzie, or for Jo. Izzie told him that she's giving him up, so that Jo can have him – but now he knows that this will make her unhappy. Alex doesn't want to make Izzie unhappy.

Before he can analyse it any further, the door swings open and Cristina walks in, holding a banana. Alex curses under his breath – he can't handle Cristina and her smart ass comments at this point in time. She slips onto the seat by his bed and opens her banana. "I don't want to talk to you." Alex says, pointedly. Cristina takes a bite of her banana, before giving him a wicked smile.

"You might want to close the blinds before you start playing tonsil tennis with some random woman who is _definitely_ _not_ your wife." Cristina says, nonchalantly and maliciously. Alex stares at her for a second, his mouth slightly hanging open. "Shut your mouth before you start drooling over your pillows, Karev." She adds, before taking another bite of her banana.

Alex suddenly feels glad for small mercies, because if Cristina knew that it was Izzie he was _'playing tonsil tennis' _with, this could have been so much worse. It seems Cristina hasn't recognised her old friend. Alex rolls on to his side, his back to her. "Shut up, Yang."

…


	3. Chapter 3

_**Whoo! This is Chapter 3! I'm amazing myself at how fast I wrote this, but that's good for you! **_

_**Also: I just wanted to make clear that this is a **__**Alex/Izzie **__**story. **_

_Chapter 3_

Izzie glances at her watch, as her stomach growls. It's only eleven and yet she's starving. She's said seen Alex and that's what she came here to do. She doesn't have to be at the airport until six, so she's got a few hours to kill. She decides that she should have some lunch here, at the hospital, before going to the airport and trying to get an earlier flight. She walks down the corridors that were her home for so many years and that she knows like the back of her hand – still, even though it's been six years since she last walked them.

Everything she told Alex is true, but she made her speech up on the spot. She didn't know what to say when she came in but soon it made sense in her head. Alex deserves to be happy after what she did to him, and if being with Jo makes him happy, she isn't going to get in the way of that. However much she loves him, she was right when she said he came first.

She finds the cafeteria quickly and joins the end of the slowly moving queue. She focuses on her tray, not wanting to bump into anyone that she knew from the past. Suddenly, she realises that this wasn't a perfect idea, if she doesn't want any hassle from old co-workers, but then again, her stomach is begging for food and this is the closest place to get it. She selects what she want – a sandwich, a fruit drink and a banana – and pays. She is searching for somewhere to sit, when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She turns around, expecting it to be Meredith asking how it went with Alex – or even Cristina or Bailey at a stretch, but she isn't expecting Alex's wife – Jo, she reminds herself – to be standing there.

Jo's face is contorted with anger. Izzie puts her tray down and is about to try and diffuse the situation, when Jo does something that seems to come out of nowhere. If she thought she didn't expect for Jo to be standing behind her, she certainly isn't expecting what happens next. She grabs Izzie by the collar of her shirt and shoves her into the wall. Then Jo raises her fist and it makes contact with Izzie's cheek with a loud thud. Her neck snaps round, and little fireworks fill her vision. "Stay away from my husband." She hisses. She vaguely feels Jo let go and take a step back. Izzie closes her eyes, and when she opens them, Jo is standing there, breathing heavily and shaking slightly. Her hands are curled into fists and are startlingly white. "You bitch." The other woman says in contempt, quietly.

Jo turns on her heels and rushes from the cafeteria without looking backwards. If Izzie didn't want to bump into anyone she knew from before, Jo has taken that out of her hands. The whole cafeteria is staring at her, shock written on every single face. Izzie herself feels shock at what just unfolded and she is confused too. Why did Jo just punch her and warn her off Alex? What the hell is going on? Suddenly, Izzie feels embarrassed with everyone looking at her. She leaves her lunch were it is, she doesn't feel hungry anymore. She crosses the room and pushes the door open. She walks down the corridor, until she finds on devoid of life. She slumps to the ground, feeling utterly drained. She pulls her knees up to her chest, finding comfort in them.

"Izzie? Izzie, is that you?" Her head snaps up as her name is spoken. Meredith is standing above her, looking down, concern in her eyes. Izzie feels the weight of what has happened today hit her. She said goodbye to Alex and then his wife hit her. The last part she still can't work out. Why the heck did Jo hit her?

"Iz, Iz, your face." Meredith starts, confused and gesturing at Izzie's cheek. "What the hell happened to your face?" Izzie looks down, realising that Jo's punch has left a mark. "Oh, god!" Meredith exclaims. "Alex hit you, didn't he? I'm going to kick his ass-" Izzie cuts her off, surprised that Meredith has even considered that Alex has hit her.

"He didn't hit me!"

"Someone did." Meredith points out.

"It's nothing."

"My definition of nothing and your definition of nothing seem to be completely different." Meredith replies, raising and eyebrow. "Who hit you then?" Mere asks, but it's a question that Izzie doesn't really want to answer. Something possessed Alex's wife to punch her in the middle of the cafeteria and though she sorta hates her for that and for being Alex's wife, Izzie saw her face after the aforementioned incident. Jo looked scared and tired and oh so vulnerable. For the first time since she arrived, Izzie considers how Jo must feel. She walked in on another woman telling her husband she loved him and jumped to the only logical answer – he was having an affair. In all honesty, that is so much more logical than the trail of events that actually did lead to Izzie telling Alex she loved him. She feels slightly guilty for causing the waves she has in their relationship – she left Alex, it was her choice. She shouldn't have regrets about it, and, yet, that is her biggest regret and nothing in the world can sort it without someone getting hurt.

"Mer, I really don't want to talk about it." Izzie says, quietly. Her old friend surveys her with a critical glance, before sliding down the wall and sitting next to her.

"Didn't go well with Alex then?" Izzie shakes her head.

"I'm going back to New York and I'm going to try and forget that I ever met Alex Karev at all." Izzie says, softly, but the tears in her eyes give her emotions away. She doesn't want to cry over him again, but here she is, sobbing in an empty hospital corridor for him, for everything they were, and for everything they lost.

…

When Jo storms into his room, Alex is counting sheep in an insane attempt to fall asleep. He wants so bad to just to be out of it, to have sleep overtake him so that he doesn't have to worry anymore. He notices that something is up with her immediately. She is staring at him with such venom that he flinches, recoiling back into his pillows. He has no idea why she is angry – a recurring theme today and, if he thinks about it, always. He's never been quite sure why she gets angry, sometimes it's over the smallest of things or the biggest of things and, yet, up until today, she's always seemed to react the same, with the same level of anger, which used to confuse him.

He can see her struggling with herself, trying not to explode with anger. When she speaks, her voice is dangerously low – but she's not shouting. "I trusted you." She says, but before Alex can get a word in, she continues. "I trusted you with her." She says, bitterly, and Alex realises what this is about. Maybe Cristina blabbed to someone – maybe Meredith – and maybe they were overheard. Maybe Cristina wasn't the only person to witness their goodbyes. All Alex knows is that Jo knows, and for some reason, he feels relieved. He still isn't sure what possessed him to ask Izzie to kiss him; it might have been because he misses her – pure and simple – but he doesn't really want to think that. He likes to think that it was a moment of temporary madness. The main thing is, he doesn't really feel sorry about it and that sort of scares him.

Jo stands there, staring at him, waiting for his retort – his 'I've got no idea what you're talking about' – but it doesn't come. Instead Alex is furiously trying to work out what the hell is going on his own life.

He wonders what she wants him to say. That he didn't kiss her - but he did - that he hasn't slept with her – he can't say that, because he would lying - that he doesn't love her? He hopes to god that she doesn't ask him if he loves her, because he's not sure he can answer that question.

"Why couldn't you answer that question, Alex?" When Jo asks him that question, her eyes burning bright with anger and hurt, he realises he spoke his thoughts out loud. "Is it because you'd say yes? That you love her?" Even though Alex thinks Jo should be furious, her voice is calm as he's heard it all day. He can also hear a hint of resignation too, and that worries him. "Come on, Alex, be honest with me." For some reason, that comment sends him over the edge, and he feels anger engulf him.

He starts speaking, the words bypassing his brain and spitting straight out of his mouth. "You want honesty? You can have it!" He yells. "I love her. I freaking love her. But it wasn't enough. The love that Izzie and I have is brilliant, wonderful, passionate love. But it's love that will never last. It burns itself out. It ends and it _hurts_, but you never stop loving them till the day you die. Your relationship may have ended long ago but there will always be a place in your heart for them." He pauses for breath, taking in the wounded look on Jo's face. "But I love you too. I love you so much. Our love is so much healthier, so much better because we will never burn out. We'll last, Jo, because we're comfortable." He finishes, and something strikes him. Him and Jo are comfortable together in a way that him and Izzie never were. They're comfortable but is that the same as happy? He tries to think of the last time he felt alive - really, truly alive.

It was when Izzie kissed him.

Before that, it was when he married Izzie, he realises with a jolt. He didn't feel alive on his wedding day to Jo. He felt happy, elated even, but he didn't feel _alive_. He didn't have electricity running through his veins when he married Jo. He doesn't physically hurt at the thought of Jo with someone else, and even though it's hypocritical of him, he hurt when Izzie told him she had been engaged. He thought that that electricity was a bad thing, that it would burn out – like he said – and yet, even after six years, it was still there. Even though she hurt him, he forgives her now. He loves her.

He realises that he tried so hard to be happy with Jo, that he missed the fact that they really weren't. They had some good days together, but they spent too much time at work, too much time focused on other things, to have any days when they felt _alive_. Days like the day he married Izzie. Days like the one when he walked into that on-call room and told Izzie how much he loved her.

He finally understands why he and Jo could never have the love that he and Izzie had, even though they tried so hard –it's as simple as he could never love anyone as much as he loves Izzie, it's impossible, because she's the love of his life. It hits him like a ton of bricks in the face. Emotions he's cut off for so long resurface, hitting him in one massive torrent of pain, love, and hope.

He's so caught up in this revelation, that he only just notices when Jo begins to speak. "You…" She starts, capturing his attention. "You cheated on me." She says, quietly, her eyes darting to the ground.

"No!" He says, vehemently.

"You love her. You slept with her. You cheated with her."

"No!" He has to make her understand, but he really doesn't want to get bogged down with the past. He takes a deep breath and speaks, quietly. "Izzie is my ex-wife." Jo flinches, as if she's been hit.

"Your…ex-wife." Jo says, softly. Alex nods. "You didn't tell me that you…that you were married before." Jo sighs, and nods, irrevocably reaching a decision. "You've been in love with her our whole relationship." Alex feels guilty – Jo thinks their whole marriage has been a sham.

"I love you too." He says, but weakly.

"But you love her more." Jo doesn't say it like a question; it is a statement, and not one that Alex disagrees with. Jo calmly reaches down and slides off her wedding and engagement rings. She sets them carefully down on his bedside table. "I think our marriage just ended, Alex." She says, quietly, evenly. Alex feels sadness at Jo's words, but most of all, he feels guilty for marrying her when he was in love with Izzie still. He feels guilty for stringing her along, but then again, he was stringing himself along too. He wanted so much to believe that he was over Izzie that he believed things that weren't true; like that he loved Jo more than he ever loved Izzie, and that he and Jo were ever right for each other in the first place. He saw someone to he could protect, someone he could learn to love and he dived in headfirst, but it was doomed to fail from the start, with the ghost of Izzie hanging over him.

He smiles half-heartedly at Jo, as she stares down at him, searching for any signs of him fighting for them, for their marriage. When she realises that he's given up without a fight, she sighs deeply, and Alex can see she's trying not to fall apart in front of him. He feels so sad watching Jo fall apart because she loves him more than he ever can.

She turns and walks to the door, but before she can get there, it is flung open. Meredith is standing there, her eyes wild and terrified. "Izzie's been hurt."

…

_Ten minutes earlier _

Meredith is tired. The day has been one emotional battle after one emotional battle. Bailey had started his new preschool that morning, after his previous one shut. He has screamed and screamed until his lungs had been hoarse and Meredith's ears had been bleeding. After what seemed like an age, she finally got him to let go of her leg and he had run off into the building, his favourite dinner promised for that night. She stayed for a little while, watching through the window as he made quick friends and was soon building towers with them. She left happy.

She'd arrived at work, a smile on her face. It hadn't taken long for the smile to fade. Her first patient of the day – a Mrs Carpenter – had coded and died in a matter of minutes. It hadn't been much later that she'd bumped into Izzie. Izzie Stevens hadn't been a face that Meredith had ever expected back in Seattle and she still felt anger off the way her old friend had left, telling her that Seattle was no longer her home. At least she'd apologised.

She'd managed to get Izzie into see Alex, only to see her flee from his room not long later. Thankfully, Cristina had been busy at that moment – Mere hadn't felt like explaining why Izzie was back to her unsympathetic friend. Instead, she'd made her excuses and went off to find Izzie. She found her in the on-call room, sobbing. She knew that it hadn't gone well with Alex.

She'd been shocked when Izzie told her that she hadn't known he had married. Meredith had just assumed she knew, but now, she's not quite sure why. To her knowledge, Izzie hadn't contacted anyone from Seattle in six years, so how could she know?

Then Izzie had told her she was giving up, that she was flying back to New York. Mer had managed to convince her not to leave things the way they were. That hadn't seemed to go any better than the last meeting, judging by the fact that she'd found Izzie curled up in a random corridor, crying and with a black eye.

She hadn't managed to get anything out of her over the next five minutes she spent weeping. Then her chance was gone. Izzie had stood and bid Meredith goodbye – she was going to the airport, she was leaving. She'd left and Meredith hadn't stopped her.

Now, five minutes later, she is staring at her friend lying on a hospital gurney, her black eye paling in comparison to the bruises she has gained now. She is a mess of bruises and cuts. This is another emotional battle to face.

She let Izzie go, she didn't try to stop her, and now all Meredith can do is feel guilty, as she watches Owen complete his preliminary checks. Her hands are itching to do it herself, as if Owen might miss something. She watched as Izzie walked out of the hospital doors, to a future that included being hit by a car only minutes later. Because of the close location of Izzie's accident, she's been given the best chance. Meredith doesn't even know if Izzie has any serious injuries, they might all be superficial and Izzie might be fine. The most concerning thing for Meredith is that Izzie hasn't regained consciousness since she was hit.

When she realises that she can't stay in this room for much longer, Meredith takes a step out of the room. It seems much cooler in the corridor, as she slumps on the wall and thinks what this means. She decides that Alex needs to know, even though Mere doesn't think that their conversation ended brilliantly. Alex loved her once and even though he married Jo, Izzie must still mean something to him.

She walks slowly to the elevator, trying to calm her worst fears. She thinks how cruel it is that Izzie survived cancer for this; to be hit by a car not ten minutes from a hospital. Meredith tries to tell herself that Izzie isn't going to die.

The elevator takes an age to reach Alex's floor, leaving her to consider even more possibilities as it slowly climbs. The doors ping open and Meredith quickly walks down the ward. She almost walks straight past his door, that is how caught up she is inside her head. She pushes the door open, fear rising up and choking her. She has to share it with someone. She vaguely notes that Jo is in the room with him, before she has to speak, her terrible burden finally becoming too much for her to cope with alone. "Izzie's been hurt."

She watches as Alex's face turns from surprise from her entrance to shock and bewilderment as she speaks. Jo beats him to the punch, speaking first. "You know his slut?" Jo sounds angry, her eyes flaring with barely concealed disgust. Meredith is taken aback, as is Alex, by his reaction. Jo looks at her, and shakes her head, before pushing past her and out of the door.

"I'm sorry about her." Alex says quietly. Meredith's eyes flick over her friend, and she instantly sees the two rings on the bedside table. Alex notices were Meredith's gaze has fallen. "She ended things."

"Why?"

"I told her I loved Izzie but that it never worked between me and her." Meredith is slightly taken aback at how honest Alex seems. "I also told her that I loved her too. I do." He takes a breath. "I realised as well that I still love Izzie – that I love her more than Jo."

Meredith stares at him for second, taking in his words. "How did you make Izzie cry?" It's not the question she wants to ask, but it's the one that comes out.

"God, I made her cry?" He says, more to himself than her, before he sighs deeply. "She told me that she loves me, but that she was going to leave anyway, because I'm with Jo – that I deserve to be happy. She thought that she didn't make me happy…" He trails off, not sure what to say next. "I've fucked up." He says, after a few seconds. Meredith doesn't say anything, but nods. He has messed things up, with Izzie and with Jo.

Suddenly, it comes to her why she's here – and what she has so completely forgotten. "Izzie's been hit by a car." She blurts out into the silence. Alex's head whips up, his eyes wide with terror, and before Mere can say anything, he's up and out of bed. He swings open a cabinet door and starts pulling out clothes. It takes her a while to realise what he's doing.

"You are not going down there."

"Yes, I am."

"Your doctor told you that you need bed rest for at least another week." Meredith exclaims.

"Izzie's been hit by a car. I'm going to see her." He tells her in such a way that doesn't leave any room for argument. He finishes pulling on his pants, and then he turns to her. Their eyes lock for a moment, and they both see the terror in each other gaze.

Alex walks towards her, his gait uneven and wobbly and Mere reminds herself that he hasn't been out of bed for two weeks. She moves towards him, and takes his arm and together they shuffle awkwardly out of the room. They walk in uncomfortable silence to the elevator. The ride down is no better, except for one moment when Alex speaks. "Is she gonna die?" Meredith looks at him sharply, and she sees tears in his eyes. He looks so much like a little lost kid then that Meredith is tempted to lie, to tell him that she's not going to die, when she has no idea what's going to happen.

Instead, she doesn't say a thing, and they lapse in to silence again. Meredith lead him to the cubicle in which Izzie is. She takes a deep breath, preparing to open the curtain, expecting Owen to still be hard at work – or her nightmare to become reality, for Izzie to be dead – but to her surprise, none of these things occur. She pulls the curtain back, and smiles when she sees Izzie lying peacefully in the bed, a small smile on her face. She feels Alex falter next to her.

Her eyes take in the rest of the cubicle, and finally rest upon the other person in the cubicle. A man is sitting by Izzie's bed, clutching her hand as if it is a lifeline. He doesn't seem to register their arrival until Alex moves, slightly, hitting the end of the bed with a quiet thump. The man swivels around and his eyes focus on Alex. Before Meredith can introduce herself, the stranger has launched himself at Alex. His fist makes contact with a dull thud and Alex staggers into a trolley of medical implements, and the trolley and Alex go down, landing with a loud crash.

"That's for sleeping with my fiancé."

…

Alex gets up slowly, his vision slightly blurred. The man who punched him has sat back down, and has resumed holding Izzie's hand. The man's comment swims round Alex's disorientated brain. _That's for sleeping with my fiancé_, he'd said. This must be the man Izzie has told him about, the man she was engaged to – but Izzie had clearly stated that they were over. "Iz told me she ended it." He doesn't expect the words to come out of his mouth, but they do, and the man and Meredith turn to him simultaneously. The man is glaring at him, and Meredith just looks confused.

"She left me for you." The man spits out.

"No, she didn't." Alex points out, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

"She broke things off last night. We were happy. She loved me! She told me she was leaving because of a family emergency, but this morning I received a phone call from her mother. She had no idea about a family emergency. I found out she flew here and I connected the dots. I flew out here to confront the two of you." He pauses, giving Alex a stony stare. "I found a picture of you two in her bedside table," This fact surprises Alex. He thought that she hadn't got any photos of the two of them – heck, he didn't think there were any photos of them together. "with _Me and Alex, Discovery Park_ written on the back." Suddenly, Alex remembers that day in Discovery Park. They'd gone there for the day on one of their concurrent days off. It had been just before she'd found out about the cancer. They'd had fun and just mucked about. It had been a lovely day. He hasn't thought about it in such a long time. "You're wearing a wedding ring." Izzie's ex says. Alex stares down at his hand for only a second, but Meredith notices and their eyes meet – they both know what their look means. Not for much longer. "Great. My fiancé cheats on me with a married man!" He exclaims.

"Look, I don't know what you think has gone on, but me and Izzie haven't been sleeping together." Alex insists. Why the heck does everyone thing they're sleeping together?

"Really?" The man utters, sarcastically. "For some reason, I just don't believe you."

"No, nobody does today." Alex mutters under his breath. "I'm not sleeping with her." He maintains.

"Explain how you know her then and how your picture ended up in her bedside table."

"She's my ex-wife." Alex says, quietly, the second time today he's admitted it and only the second time in six years he's said the words. The man stares at him slack-jawed for a long painful moment, until Meredith steps in.

"Would you like a coffee?" She asks. The man quickly switches his attention from Alex to Mere.

"Yeah." He says, not sure what to make of the offer.

"Then let's go get some." Meredith replies, trying to sound cheerful. Alex feels so glad to have her as a friend. She is saving him more awkwardness with this random stranger and he is so grateful. The man starts to object, but Meredith is so forceful with her cheeriness that soon, he has accepted her offer and they are leaving the cubicle.

Before leaving, the man – who Meredith managed to get a name out of: Ben – gives Alex a barbed stare. Alex doesn't care; he is alone with Izzie at last. The first thing he does is grab her chart. He quickly asses that she has no serious injuries and is not unconscious, but just asleep. He slips the chart back and casts his gaze over her. She is so lucky and he guesses that he is too, to have survived the fire. They definitely make a pair, with her getting cancer and him getting shot. He wonders if she knows about that. Alex sits down in the chair next to her.

It's not long later, that she wakes up. She opens her eyes and meets his. Her face breaks out in a smile, a contagious, beautiful smile that he's missed so much. Alex takes a deep breath, watching her smile, and then speaks. "I love you." His words take her by surprise.

"Jo, what about-" She asks, panicked.

"Jo and I are not together anymore. I told her I love you." Izzie looks up at him then, and the look in her eyes tells him all he needs to know. He's made the right choice. "What happened to your cheek?" Izzie asks, placing the tips of her fingers on his face. As her fingers ghost over his skin, he feels a buzz of electric run through him.

"Your ex-fiancé hit me."

"Ben?" Alex nod and Izzie looks confused. "Why?"

"He thinks we're sleeping together." He says, with a little laugh.

"Your wife hit me." It's Alex's turn to feel confused.

"Jo hit you? Why?" He inquires, but he thinks he already knows the answer. As he waits for Izzie to speak, he notices a trace of a bruise on her cheek, though it almost blends with the new additions – it is slightly different, darker.

"Same reason." Izzie says, lying down in her bed. She flicks her eyes close. Izzie reaches out and takes his hand. He can't explain why he finds so much comfort in it. "Maybe we should, you know." Izzie adds, after a few minutes.

"Should what?" He asks, bewildered.

"Have sex. Everyone seems to think we are anyway." She says, and Alex is slightly taken aback. He wonders if they gave her any morphine. He's heard all about Meredith on morphine, so he wonders if this is how Izzie reacts to the painkiller.

"Did they give you too much morphine?" Alex asks.

"Of course not. They didn't give me any, anyway. What, you think I'm of my head on painkillers?" She teases. "You think that's the only way I would ever ask you for sex?"

"No, no. It's just…have you looked at me, Iz? I'm not really in prime condition and neither are you for that matter. You were hit by a car earlier. It's a miracle you're still alive." Alex explains. Izzie just looks at him, with a little half smile playing with her lips.

"Who would have thought I'd see the day Alex Karev turned down sex?" Izzie says, and Alex is surprised how natural they feel together, as if no time has passed. "Could you hold me, Alex?" Her second request takes him by surprise. She sounds so tired when she says it, as if the last couple of hours have finally caught up on her. Alex nods, and Izzie pulls the covers up and he slips in next to her. It's a tight squeeze in the single bed, but after a while of manoeuvring so that she isn't hurting his chest, and so that he isn't falling off the bed, they get comfortable. Her head is leaning on his good shoulder, her arms around his waist. After a few minutes, he realises she has fallen asleep. He watches her, cradled in his arms, and he wonders why she ever left and how he ever let her.

…

_**Please read and review! Chapter 4 will be up soon!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**a/n And voila here is chapter 4. **_

_Chapter 4_

He's not sure what it is that wakes him. He slowly opens his eyes, and stretches his legs out, yawning. His sleepy vision clears and he smiles when he sees Izzie. Her face is screwed up in a cute frown and her blonde hair is plastered to her forehead and yet she looks so beautiful sleeping. He can feel her arms around his waist and feels so safe and comfortable in her embrace it takes his breath away. He brushes his fingers across her face, his face split apart by a smile. She doesn't wake at the touch, and for this he is glad. He wants to watch her sleep for a while longer. He hasn't been able to indulge in such a simple pleasure as watching Izzie sleep since she left six years ago.

He glances at the clock on the table next to the bed, wondering how long they've been asleep – though it doesn't really matter, even if he had anything else to do, sleeping next to Izzie might just top that list. It feels so right, the way her body fits in to his, like a jigsaw puzzle. He never felt that way with Jo. It's been four hours, a fact that surprises Alex. He hasn't been sleeping that well for a while, in fact, he can't remember the last time he slept through the night for a long, long time. It must be something about the company he's keeping.

He looks up when movement in the corner of his eye catches his attention. Meredith is standing at the end of the bed, watching them with a curious look in her eyes. "Hey." Alex says, quietly – aware that Izzie is still sleeping next to him, and remembering how tired she was earlier. He doesn't want to leave her side, but he can tell that Mere wants to speak to him, for one reason or another. He shifts, moving slightly, slowly, as not to wake Izzie. He carefully moves her arms, placing them softly back on the bed. He winces; his chest is giving him grief.

He sits on the chair next to the bed and Meredith walks towards him. She sits on the floor, surprising Alex, and stares up at him. "You managed to sort things out, then?" She asks, softly, crossing her legs. Alex nods.

"I told her the truth." He says, genuinely. "Where's Ben?" He inquires.

"I left him in the cafeteria. You know that new attending?" Alex shakes his head. Mer screws up her face in concentration. "The new one in Ortho. Dr…Dr Hamill? He came last month." Alex nods now; he knows who Meredith is talking about now. Dr Tristan Hamill, the new Ortho surgeon, is an arrogant asshole, at least he was when Alex met him. He is a little confused as to why Meredith is talking about him, unless something went terribly wrong with Ben and she is deftly trying to change the subject. "Apparently, him and Ben did their internship together at Brooklyn. I left them reminiscing about the past." So, she wasn't changing the subject, then.

"Did you talk to him?" Alex asks, looking down at Mere.

"Not really. I learnt he's a doctor too. I think he works in transplant." This tallies with what Izzie told him earlier. "In all honestly, I left him as quickly as possible. I got the impression he didn't really like me either." Meredith says, smiling. "You and Iz looked so happy when I came in. You looked happy, Alex. I'm glad you found her again." It's Alex's time to smile. "Don't let her go."

"I won't." Alex really means it. Meredith nods at him.

"I'm just wondering aloud here, Alex, but what happens next? I mean, I guess you're back together now, but she's working on the other side of the country. How are you going to fix that? What if she doesn't want to come back here? What if she can't get a job? What happens then?" Alex hasn't really thought about it, but Meredith's questions give him a jolt back to reality. Their situation isn't perfect, and neither is it completely fixed. They both made mistakes the last time and they'll need to talk about how they're going to stop history repeating itself.

"Then I go to New York. It simple." Even before the words leave his mouth, he knows that it is the truth. He will go across the country for her, because, now he's found her again, he can't bear the idea of being without her. He knows that today is their fresh start, and he doesn't want to ruin that. He wants to grow old with her beside his side, he wants forever with her. Time made him forget how much he loves her, made him think that he could live the rest of his life without her in it. He remembers that Izzie told him that she was going to give up and let Jo have him, because she thought it would make him happy. He understands her now. If he had discovered that Izzie had gone through with her engagement, had married the 'lovely, charming heart transplant surgeon', as she described Ben, he would have left her alone, if he thought it would make her happy.

But he doesn't have to. He has Izzie back and for that he will be infinitely grateful. She might have hurt him in the past, but that was the past and this is now. She tried to explain what led to her leaving him, and though he didn't really get her reasoning, he understands her fear of losing everything. Cancer takes the certainty out of your life. It also takes many things away from you, including trust, as Alex has seen in many of his young patients.

"You seem to have thought about it a lot." Meredith notes.

Alex shakes his head. "I haven't. It's just a gut reaction. I'll follow her anywhere – to the ends of the earth, it doesn't matter. I…we messed this up once, because we were young and impulsive and we weren't ready for the crap that life would throw at us. We made some horrible choices and made some devastating mistakes. Both of us. But I forgive her for leaving me, and she forgives me for telling her to go. We are older, we have matured, we are ready." Alex says, quietly but compellingly.

"When did you tell her to go?" She asks, and Alex realises that he and Izzie are the only two who know what transpired on that final, damning day for their relationship, the final nail in their coffin – and it all happened because Alex couldn't forgive her. He can now.

"That last day. After she left and came back. She left again because I told her to. I told her to go and be happy and to not come back." Alex says, feeling guilty for saying those things. He was angry at her for going, for abandoning him. Now, after Izzie has explained her actions to him, he wishes so much he could travel back in time and change his decision, or to talk to her more in the days leading up to it - to tell her he would always be there for her. Then they could have spent the last six years together. They'd had so many dreams; dreams that might now become reality.

He should have known that Izzie would run. It was in her nature. Was. He doesn't think she'll run this time. "She came back to fix things, but I rejected her." Alex hasn't cried in a very, very long time, but he can feel tears of relief and regret threatening to overwhelm him. He feels so much joy and happiness now that he and Izzie are back together but he also feels crushing regret. They should have had the past six years together. He knows that this regret might well haunt him to the end of time, but to be honest it doesn't matter.

All that matters is that he has Izzie back.

…

Izzie wakes up slowly. She's never been great at mornings, though she had to learn quickly when she became an intern – it was a must – but she always returns to her sluggish ways when she doesn't have to get up for work. She blinks, the harsh hospital lights to bright for her tired eyes, and soon her eyes get used to the lights. She instantly realises that Alex isn't next to her, and despite her brain telling her that there are so many more logical reasons, she panics that he's left her – that he's gone back to Jo. She sits up quickly, her sore joints protesting, and she looks around. The dread in her stomach calms when her eyes fall on Alex.

He is sitting on one of the hard, plastic chairs by the bed and Izzie wonders why. He doesn't notice her watching him for a few more seconds, because he is intently reading a newspaper he is clutching in both hands. When he looks up, Izzie smiles, so happy that he hasn't gone, that he hasn't left her. Alex smiles when he sees her. "Well, glad to see that you are _finally_ awake." Alex teases, gently.

"You've been stuck in a bed for the last two weeks – some of us have been working their asses of in that time. Did I forget to mention that? I'm allowed to sleep." She retorts, trying to sound offended but it doesn't work. She bursts out laughing instead, though she's not sure why. It might have something to do with the fact that she's imagined waking up to Alex so many times in the last six years, and now that it is finally happening, she can't quite believe it.

"You're insane." Alex murmurs in a stage whisper, shaking his head and opening his newspaper again. This sets Izzie off again. It takes her a few seconds to stop laughing like a maniac, and during this time, Alex attempts to read his newspaper, acting all irritated about her laughing – but the small smile on his lips gives him away, he's missed this normality just as much as her. It's then that she realises that this is just about the first time that she can remember that she's seen Alex reading a newspaper. This almost makes her erupt with laughter again – again she's not sure why - but she manages to hold it in.

She lies back down on her pillows, a serene smile on her face. "Why d'you get out of the bed?" Izzie asks, curiously. Alex folds his newspaper shut with exaggerated annoyance, but again, the smile betrays him.

"Mer came in. She wanted to talk, but I didn't want to wake you so I got out." Alex says. Izzie nods.

"You want to get back in?" Alex places the newspaper on his chair and Izzie lifts the sheet up. It takes them a couple of seconds to get comfortable, but when they do, Izzie relaxes, but there's a strange feeling in her chest. She's not sure what it is, but then she understands. This feels so right, so normal, so utterly perfect and she hasn't felt this way in a very long time. Alex puts his arm around her shoulder, and such a simple gesture robs her of breath. She wants to stay here for as long as possible, stay in his arms. She's missed him so much.

"You've taken your wedding ring off." Izzie notes, staring at his empty ring finger. Alex nods.

"I love _you._" Is all he says. Alex takes her by surprise by giving her a kiss on the cheek. She swats at his face, not really minding at all, but instead revelling in for easily they've slipped back into the roles and rhythms of their old relationship. The ease that she felt talking to him is still there, when to be honest she thought that it would be gone and all that would have been left was awkwardness. She just hopes they won't make the same mistakes. She knows that she won't and she has faith that Alex won't either.

"I missed my flight." Izzie says, when she sees the clock on the bedside table flick past another minute. It's the morning, a brand new day. Damn, she slept for a long time. Then, Izzie starts to wonder if she wants to go back anymore. Suddenly, she remembers how understaffed her department is and realises she can't abandoned them like that. It also hits her that that is the only reason she would go back. She has nothing there except work and a former fiancé. She could go back, and work until they can find someone to take over her role. She remembers how long it took her boss to find a temporary replacement for her. How long would it take to find a permanent replacement for her if she decides to stay? Two weeks, three? Or would it be months?

"Do you want to go back?" Alex asks, quietly. Izzie starts to shake her head then stops. She has to go back, if only to get her stuff but she also has a debt to repay to that hospital and her patients there.

"I have to. I might not want to, but I'm the only Peads Attending – have to go back if only until they can employ a replacement. I don't know how long that'll take but I can't just leave them in the lurch by staying here." Izzie explains, hoping that Alex will understand. She doesn't like the idea at all but it's what will have to happen, she thinks.

"Man, you weren't kidding me when you told me that you were understaffed." Izzie releases a breath she didn't know she was holding. Alex seems alright with it. "I mean I don't like the idea at all and I don't think you do either, Iz, but I think we both know that you'd be doing the right thing by going back. You can tell your chief and you can sort out a transfer. You could come here – but you don't have to-" Alex stops dead in mid-sentence. "You work in Peads, right?" Izzie nods, a little confused in the turn of the conversation. "I could go there. I could go to New York with you. _I'm a Peads Attending_." Izzie computes this new knowledge, but it doesn't really change a thing. Along time ago, she would have taken Alex up on his offer, and they'd have flown out to New York together and started a life out there, but now, now she's realised that nowhere is going to be home to her except Seattle. Also, she can't expect Alex to leave all his friends behind just for her.

Alex seems to notice that she doesn't seem too keen on his idea. "Or we could go somewhere completely different, start anew – Florida or maybe Sacramento, I heard that Sacramento is nice." Izzie puts a hand on his shoulder and he stops.

"I don't want to go to Sacramento, Alex; I want to live here, in Seattle. I miss the rain. There's not enough rain in New York."

…

The room is quiet and that's just what Jo needs. She's in Alex's room, surprised that he's not here. She assumes that he's with _her._ That thought doesn't hurt as much as she thinks it should. Alex is no longer her husband anymore, she has to accept that. It was her choice, and she doesn't regret it. Alex is in love with another woman – Izzie, Alex called her – and it's the best for both of them. She loves Alex, and yet she doesn't feel heart-broken. She feels angry - yes, angry, that's it. Anger is all she can feel, and numbness. She feels numb. She guesses that the sadness and the hurt will come soon.

Alex never told her that he was married before. Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital is usually very good for that sort of gossip. It must have been a long time before she started at the hospital. She feels so angry that Alex didn't tell her. She thought they didn't have secrets. They are – were? - married for god's sake. She trusted him but why couldn't Alex trust her?

She feels a little bit like a fool.

She also feels curious as to what happened to Izzie. Jo knows that she and Alex were married, but for how long, and why did they get divorced? She has an inkling that their relationship didn't end well, due to Alex's comment about 'burning out'. Did they burn out? Did her cheat? Or her, did she sleep with someone else? Or was it to do with something else entirely? She can't help but feel inquisitive when it comes to her husband's ex – but are they ex anymore? Somehow, after Alex's admission, she doesn't think so.

Another thought hits her. Does Alex have children with his ex-wife? He and Jo hadn't discussed the possibility of children, not yet. Jo was waiting – waiting for what, she doesn't quite know. She thinks that her and Alex were close enough that if he does have kids, he would have told her. Or maybe Izzie went through the courts and got custody and Alex doesn't like to talk about it? The uncertainty is the worst part. She has no idea what transpired between the former couple.

She looks up when the door creaks open. A man stands in the doorway, looking sheepish and resigned. He isn't wearing scrubs and, coupled with the fact that Jo doesn't recognise him, she figures he doesn't work at the hospital. Maybe he's a patient. "I, uh, was told that this is Dr Karev's room?" The man stammers. Jo wonders why this man is looking for Alex.

"It is." Jo admits, sharply, not really wanting to talk. She just wants to be alone with her anger and numbness. She pre-empts his next question. "And, no. I have no idea where he is." She snaps. "Probably somewhere with his girlfriend." She adds, contempt running through her words. She doesn't know why she calls Izzie his girlfriend. Maybe it's because she is almost sure that is what she either is, or will become.

The man in the doorway takes a step further into the room, nodding his head. "I guess you're Karev's wife?" Jo wonders why this man is asking her this, but she shrugs and answers him. She also notes that the 'Dr' has been dropped. "Yeah, I guess. By law." She says, bitterly. She is only his wife in name and by law now. Not in practice. Not anymore.

"I'm Ben Parsons. I was Izzie Stevens' fiancé." Jo looks up abruptly as he introduces himself.

"Ah, that sucks." Jo says, sarcastically. "No, really, it must really suck." She adds, not sarcastic this time, but genuine. Ben drags a chair from the other side of the room to in front of Jo's. "Does she have kids?" Jo asks, completely out of the blue, a few seconds later. It's biting at her insides, she has to know. Is Alex a dad? Whilst waiting for Ben to answer, she starts biting her nails, something she used to all the time when she was nervous, but now she hasn't indulged in it in a long while.

"Nope." Jo relaxes, but only slightly. Izzie might have told Ben all about Alex and their marriage and Jo has to know. "No kids for Izzie – not with me or any other guy."

"Did you know that Izzie was married before?" Jo asks.

"What, to Alex Karev?"

"Yes."

"Then no. I didn't know." Ben pauses. "What 'bout you?" Jo shakes her head.

"He was freaking married to someone else and he didn't tell me!" Jo explodes, her anger bubbling to the surface. "Oh, god." Jo leans forward and puts her head in her hands. "I…I…" Jo wants to say something, anything, to make sense of the battleground that her mind has become. She hates him so much for leaving her no choice but to end their marriage and yet she loves him too. She's so conflicted. She hugs her legs to her, wanting to curl up in a ball until the screaming in her head stops.

"Yeah, I know how you feel." Ben says, sympathetically. Jo wants to scream at him that he has no idea how she feels, but she knows that he does. They should be allies, not enemies. "I trusted her with my life. She obviously didn't trust me as much." He says, dejectedly. "They must have been together a while ago - more than six years, at a guess, unless they were married when she came to New York." Ben hesitates, evidently wanting to say something but not sure how to phrase it. "Do you wonder…are you curious about them? About them getting married? Like, do you wonder how long they were married? Why they broke up? Stuff like that." Ben says, sounding a little embarrassed.

"Yeah, I wonder. I feel like I need to know. Maybe it'll make more sense why he left me for her if I know about them." Jo says, softly. Ben nods. "How long were you together?"

"Uh," Ben thinks about it. "Two years. We were engaged for three months. I…" He stops, looking down at his knees. "I thought that I'd found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with." Jo nods, agreeing with his sentiment. Jo thought that Alex was it. _Turns out he's not,_ she thinks bitterly. "You?"

"Three long years. Married for one. One worthless year! I bet they lasted longer than a year." They descend into a silence that is comfortable. Both of them want to think about what this means for their futures. Neither of them move when the door opens, both expecting it to be Alex. Instead Dr Grey stands there, frowning and biting her lip.

"Well, this is awkward." Meredith mutters under her breath and Jo remembers what happened the last time they spoke. Jo insulted her because she knew Izzie. It comes to her in a flash. She doesn't want to have to ask Alex what the heck happened with Izzie but Dr Grey knows and Jo will make her tell them, instead of them having to speculate.

"You know Izzie." Jo says, quietly. "So therefore, you probably know what happened between her and Alex." Knowing what is about to happen, Meredith shuts the door and takes a step into the room.

"I see you've met Ben." Meredith points out.

"Tell us." Ben has realised what Jo was only hinting at.

"It's really complicated and I don't want to go in-" Meredith starts, but Jo cuts in.

"I don't care if it's more complicated than a craniotomy! I want to know, Meredith." In the three years she's been with Alex, she's grown to like the blonde surgeon, but she's still more Alex's friend than her's.

Meredith stares at the pair, and shakes her head and pulls the door open. She leaves the room and Jo leaps up and is about to follow her, when the door opens and Meredith re-enters, dragging a chair behind her. She sets in down, and sees that Jo is standing up. "I told you it was complicated. Complicated and long. Therefore, I get a chair." She explains, gesturing at the chair she is sitting on. "You want to know about Izzie and Alex, right?" Ben and Jo both nod, as she sits back down. "What do you want to know?" Meredith invites them to bombard her with questions. Jo tries to isolate one question that she wants to know the answer to, but really, she wants to know about all of it – how they met, when they met, when they got together, when they got married, why they got divorced, everything.

"Tell us everything." Jo asks, quietly.

"Complicated and long." Meredith warns.

"I don't care." Jo answers. Ben nods next to her. Meredith sighs, and rubs her forehead.

"Okay." She takes a deep breath. Jo wonders what she means by complicated and long. Maybe they were married for a very long time, maybe that's what she means. Jo attempts to close that part of her brain down, the one that asks all the questions. Meredith will inform them of everything they need to know.

Jo realises, after a while, why Meredith called Alex and Izzie's history 'complicated and long'.

…

Alex booked her flight, and her doctor came by to inform her that she has recovered enough to be able to make her evening flight, so that all Izzie has to do is to actually make it on to the plane. She remembers, with a smile, what happened when she wondered aloud about living arrangements when she returns to New York. Izzie considered if she should stay at Ben's. It was her house still. Alex had told her that there was more chance that hell would freeze over. She remembered being happy that he got all protective.

Then Alex asked where she had lived before, she had suddenly remembered that she had only rented out, not sold, her old flat, but she realised quickly that it would have tenants occupying it. Alex had told her that she could 'chuck the tenants out and take the place back', and even though Izzie had major qualms about the way Alex had put it, she knew that it was the best option. Izzie had called the estate agent, and she'd gone round and told the tenants that they had to be out of the place by tomorrow. Izzie can stay in a hotel until tomorrow.

Now, she's sitting on the side of her hospital bed, fully dressed. She's wearing clothes that Meredith has given her, as the only clothes she brought – she was only planning on staying on day – were cut off of her after she was hit by the car. Izzie binned them after Alex handed her them, which was a shame, because it had been a nice shirt. He is sitting on the bed next to her. They are holding hands, but not talking. They've spent the whole afternoon discussing them, and what's going to happen. Izzie's already started considering which hospital's she's going to apply to, all around the Seattle area, including at Grey Sloan Memorial. They were both incredibly amazed to hear that they were taking applications for a new Peads Attending at Grey Sloan, but also very happy. Even though neither of them have said it out loud, they both hope she gets the job here.

They broached the subject of getting married again, but only briefly. Both of them agreed that it was something that they'd like to do soon. They've already wasted six years and neither of them can see any point in waiting. Alex said from the outset that he doesn't want a big wedding, and he was shocked to hear Izzie agree with him that maybe they should just get married at the registry office.

Before that though, Alex will need to get divorced from Jo, and they decided that he won't contest much, except the house. Izzie had been pleasantly surprised to find out that Alex had bought Meredith's old house. Alex bought the house and he will fight tooth and nail to keep it. That house has all their history in it. The house is all he wants, really.

"It's half five, Iz." Alex says, quietly. They've left it to the last minute but Izzie needs to be at the airport now. Izzie booked a cab earlier, because her car is in New York and Alex can't drive. She told Alex that she doesn't want him to come in the cab with her, that they should say their goodbyes at the hospital. Alex accepted her decision. Izzie has a feeling that she's going to cry on the plane.

She stands first, not letting go of his hand. They have been sitting in silence for a couple of minutes now, neither one wanting to initiate the goodbyes. Alex stands up, after a few seconds fly past. Izzie has to stop herself from launching herself into his arms, because of his burns. Alex sees this. "I promise you that I'll be better by the time you get back." He nods. "Then we'll be able to have all the fun that you want, Izzie." Alex smirks, and for some reason, Izzie can't help but smile. Izzie leans into him, and they kiss. Izzie feels butterflies in her stomach and wonders for a second why she's leaving. _Right, sick kids come before romantic exploits,_ she reminds herself.

She pulls away, resting her head on Alex's good shoulder. She sighs quietly. She's just found Alex again, and here she is leaving him after only one day together. _Damn the cute sick kids! _

She pulls away, but she still holds onto his hand. "Goodbye." Izzie says, quietly.

"It's not goodbye. It's see you later." Alex says, smiling. His eyes give him away, though, because Izzie can see the sadness in them. She realises that Alex's words are true. It isn't goodbye because it's not for good. It's see you later. She can live with a _see you later_.

She nods, sharply. They walk hand in hand through the warren of identical corridors that the both of them could label with their eyes closed. Izzie can see the taxi now. "I love you." She whispers, under her breath. For a second, she's not sure that Alex has heard her, but his reply comes.

"I love you too." Izzie's heart skips a beat with his words. Some people might have shown disbelief and incredulously at how fast Izzie and Alex are taking things, talking about getting married and saying I love you, but Izzie knows they've had their dress run, their rehearsal, and this is the real thing. They can't mess it up.

…

Alex watches her go with a smile in his face, whilst feeling blue inside. He misses her already, even though the taxi hasn't even reached the end of the street. He watches it turn and then moves himself. He walks slowly back into the hospital. They've decided that they'll talk on the phone every night, if they can, and maybe they'll Skype. New York is only a plane away, if anything goes wrong. At least, this time, he knows where she is, and that she'll be thinking about him. That thought makes him happy.

He gets to his room and pushes the door open, the day's events finally coming to rest on his shoulders. He feels tired but so utterly _alive_ he doesn't think he could sleep if he tried. He sees Jo before she sees him. He coughs and she turns around from staring out the window. Her arms are wrapped around her front in a defensive gesture and he sighs, not really wanting to fight with her again. Contrary to everyone's opinions of him, he doesn't really like argument with people, at least not anymore.

"Go away, Jo, _please_. I don't want to fight with you." He says, wearily. He slips into his bed, wincing because his chest hurts. To his surprise, she does as he wishes, making her way to the door without a word, but before she goes, she turns back to face him.

"I hope you and Izzie are happy, Alex." She speaks without malice, or bitterness. Alex can hear resignation, however, and he knows why. She's realised she's lost him. She leaves and all Alex can feel is guilty. However hard he tries, he cannot feel regret at his decision.

He tries to sleep, but it doesn't come, so instead, he wastes time by playing an app on his phone. He's in the middle of a level when a knock at the door sounds. Alex expects it to either be Jo back again, or Jackson, come to tell him that he can go home. It's neither of them. Meredith enters, and collapses on to the chair next to his bed. "Oh my god." She says, dramatically. "Getting cornered by your soon-to-be-ex-wife and Izzie ex-fiancé wasn't how I planned spending my afternoon."

"They cornered you?"

"More like took me captive."

"What did they want?" Alex asks, having to hold in laughter, even though Meredith is taking the story seriously.

"They wanted to know about you and Izzie." Meredith admits, nonchalantly.

"And what did you tell them?"

"What they wanted to know."

"Mere!" Alex shakes his head, trying to sound angry, when really all he feels is relief. He didn't want to be the one to try and explain about their past, and now Meredith has taken it out of his hands.

"Where's Izzie?" Meredith asks. "I went to her cubicle, but she wasn't there. Is she hidden in here somewhere?" Meredith asks, jokingly.

"She went back to New York." Alex can see that Meredith is about to speak, so he gets in first. "But she's coming back. She's going to stay for a while because the hospital is understaffed, but she's coming back."

"Good." Meredith huffs, slightly put out that she didn't get to yell at him. _Yes, it is good_, Alex thinks, _everything's good_.

…

_**a/n I just wanted to reply, here, to the guest reviewer who wasn't sure about Alex and Jo 'throwing away' their marriage. I don't think that they are throwing away their marriage, but ending it because it came to its conclusion. Alex has admitted that he had been in love with Izzie for the whole time they were together, and I'm not sure how they could fix that. **_

_**That's the explanation about how my brain saw it, anyway! **_

_**Hope you like this chapter. Please read and review! Chapter 5 will be up soon. **_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Okay, I would just like to apologise for the time it's taken me to put this up. I've been feeling under the weather recently and coupled with an excess amount of hospital appointments and homework, I haven't really felt in the mood to write this. But then last night I finally found the right mood and viola, here is chapter five. **_

_**p.s I apologise for the short length, but I wanted to do the next bit in a separate chapter.**_

_Chapter 5_

"What about him?" Izzie shakes her head, trying to eat her salad without laughing at her friend. "What's wrong with him? He's hot, plus he's new so he's got no strings here." Her closest friend, Pen, points out. The man in question is standing the lunch queue and Pen _is _right, but Izzie still shakes her head – almost bursting out with laughter at her friend's matchmaking attempts. This is the fourth guy that Pen has pointed out in this manner this lunch.

"I'm surprised that you haven't slept with him yet, Pen." Izzie says, a mischievous grin on her face. Pen gives her a fake wounded look – but then gives Izzie a wicked smile in return. Pen reminds her of Mark Sloan, in the fact that they both will sleep with anything thing of the opposite sex that moves. Used to sleep, Mark used to sleep, Izzie reminds herself. She feels a little sad thinking about Mark, after what happened to him. Pen is great, really, even though she has a reputation around the hospital, just like Mark did. Like Mark, both of them are great people when you actually care to get to know them.

"If you pass I still can." This is the final straw for Izzie. She bursts out laughter, spitting a forkful of salad back into the pot, even though she was sad a few seconds earlier. "Very lady like, Stevens, you'll definitely get hooked up if you act like that."

"Who said I want to get hooked up?" Izzie asks, indignantly. She has quite got around to telling Pen that she doesn't need to get hooked up, because she's with Alex – it's fun watching her antics and she didn't really want the constant questioning that would come with the admission. "All I said was that Ben and I aren't getting married anymore." Pen's eyes open wide.

"You're still with Mr 'Let-me-bore-you-to-death' transplant surgeon?" Pen inquires, sceptically. Izzie shakes her head. "Then why won't you just accept my tips and get laid, Izzie?" Pen asks, bluntly.

"Because I've got someone already lined up." She says, irritably. She realises what she's said. "Not just to get laid." She feels as if she's digging herself into a hole. "I'm with someone." She claps a hand in front her mouth the moment the words leave her mouth. The hole is getting deeper and deeper – she didn't want anyone to know about her and Alex, not even Pen.

"Spill."

"No."

"Did you meet him in Seattle? Is he the reason you and Ben broke it off?" Pen inquires, leaning forward on her elbows; the handsome stranger all but forgotten. Izzie doesn't answer, shutting her salad and ignoring the question. "He _is_!" Pen announces. "Is he hot?"

"Pen!" Izzie leans back and sticks her half eaten salad into the bin. She's no longer hungry. She doesn't want to talk about Alex. She's only been in New York for a couple of hours and yet she already misses him. She wonders if he's spoken to Jo about getting divorced. For some reason, she doesn't feel paranoid about leaving Alex in Seattle with his, soon to be ex, wife. She trusts him, and that's the truth. "I don't want to talk about him." Pen is still watching her intently and Izzie realises she was naïve in thinking that Pen would let this topic go easily.

"Did you cheat on Ben?" Izzie groans – why the heck does everybody jump to conclusions to freaking fast? – and she stands. "Yes?" Izzie shakes her head violently and decides that Pen will keep annoying her until she coughs up the information. She sits back down, sighing.

"It's really complicated, Pen." Izzie answers, clasping her hands in front of her.

"What's his name? Is he as boring as Ben?"

"Ben's not boring." Izzie defends. "But his name is Alex and yes, he's more interesting than Ben." Izzie informs her friend.

"What does Alex do, then? How'd you meet him?" Pen inquires, and Izzie grimaces. She doesn't really want to go back and revisit the past.

"Alex is a Peads Attending like me." Pen considers her friends words. "We met a long time ago, actually. Years and years ago. I did my internship at Seattle with him." Pen nods. Now that Izzie has thought about it, she has known Alex a long time – more than a decade, she thinks. Izzie considers whether to tell Pen that she and Alex have a romantic history. "He's my ex-husband." She admits, quietly, after a few seconds. Pen's head snaps up and their eyes meet.

"I didn't know you were married." Pen replies, softly – noticing that Izzie is finding the subject a little touchy. "I guess this was a long time ago as well?" Izzie nods. "And I'm also guessing that it didn't end well the first time." Izzie nods again. "How long?"

"How long what? Were we married? Not long, six months or maybe less, I'm not sure. Or did you want to know how long ago we got divorced? That was six years ago now." Izzie admits, realising that she and Alex weren't married for that long and yet with the possibility of her dying, it felt like forever.

"Who left who?" Izzie can see the curiosity in Pen's eyes, but there's also sympathy. Then Izzie remembers. Even though Pen has a reputation for sleeping around, she _was_ married. His name was Aiden, Izzie sketchily recalls. They were married for even less time than Alex and she were, and yet, Izzie has a suspicion that Aiden to Pen is what Alex is to Izzie. The love of her life.

"I left him. But I came back and he told me to go and be happy and not come back." Izzie sounds bitter as she speaks; she still hurts from his words – even though she's forgiven him.

Pen whistles. "Tough." Pen looks as if she's about to add something, but then Izzie's phone starts ringing. She picks it up, and sees Ben is calling her. She hits the red reject call button and sets the phone back down on the table. "Was that Alex?" Izzie shakes her head.

"Ben." Pen nods.

"Did you leave Ben for this Alex guy?" Izzie considers the question.

"I ended things with Ben because I was never gonna love him enough." She candidly admits.

"And Alex – you love him?"

Izzie doesn't even have to think about it. "Yes." Her phone goes off again and she's about to slip it angrily into her bag – she really doesn't want to talk to Ben – but then she catches the name of the caller. Pen has started rambling on about something or another, but Izzie puts her hand up for silence as she raises the phone to her ear. Pen words die on her lips. She mouths, silently, 'Alex?', and Izzie nods. "Hey." She says softly. She makes a quick calculation in her head. Its ten here and New York is three hours ahead of Seattle, so she would be surprise to discover that Alex might have just woken up, when she's been working her butt off for four hours already.

"Hey." Alex replies, groggily, all the way from Seattle. "How's it going in New York? Have you talked to your chief yet?" Izzie suddenly realises that she's been so caught with her patients that she hasn't had the chance to talk to her boss.

"Not yet, cause it's so busy out here ,Alex, you wouldn't believe it."

"Okay, you are going to talk to her, aren't you?" Izzie almost smiles at Alex's little show of insecurity and knows it's a little mean of her.

"Alex, Alex listen to me, I love you." Pen stares at her for a seconds after she tells Alex she loves him over the phone.

"I love you, too." Alex says, sounding much calmer and relaxed now. "It's just I woke up this morning think that maybe yesterday was some massive injury related dream. I'm really glad it's not, Izzie. How's work?" For a while, they discuss Izzie's patients and then Alex's last patients. They speak for a long time, and slowly the background noise from the cafeteria fades to nothing and all she can hear is Alex. This is why she almost misses her pager going off. It buzzes for a long moment, and Izzie picks it up like it's a bomb. All she really wants to do is to talk to Alex for hours and hours and, to be honest, the rest of her life. She's missed just talking to Alex and she's missed his sense of humour and everything about him. "Alex, I've got to go. Love you, miss you. Talk to you later." She leaves the phone by her ear for a moment after she's hung up. She brings it down and stares at it. She misses the sound of his voice already.

Izzie stands up and makes her way to the elevator. She hopes that the page wasn't because a kid is coding. Despite being a doctor for so long, losing patients still hurts. It might not for someone like Cristina, but for Izzie, it damn well hurts.

…

She loses a patient after all. A baby boy called Dylan who had a heart condition died just ten minutes ago. She thought it would get easier the longer she stuck at it, but it hasn't yet. She's just finished informing his heartbroken parents that their little boy hasn't survived surgery. She makes her way on autopilot to the chief's office.

She's already knocked on the door before Izzie realises what she's doing. Then she realises that it's a good thing. She needs to let this place go. She hears a vague 'come in' and she pushes the door open. Sat at a cluttered desk is a stressed, frazzled petite brunette. Dr Julia Newman looks up when she enters. Izzie's always liked her chief, and Izzie could almost call her a friend – almost, if she wasn't Izzie's boss. "Ah, Dr Stevens, would you like to sit down?" Izzie makes her way across the room and slumps into a chair. Newman shuffles some papers on her desk, and then looks up, staring at Izzie through glasses. "What would you like to talk about?" Izzie's mouth feels dry, but then she thinks of Alex, and smiles. She's doing the right thing.

She takes a deep breath. "I'm resigning." Izzie says, quietly. Newman doesn't react the way Izzie pegged her to.

"Crap." The older surgeon announces, more to herself than Izzie. Newman reaches up and takes her glasses off, sweeping her hair behind her ears. "I thought I'd be able to depend on you, Stevens." She says, softly, and even though she knows it's not what Newman wants her to feel, Izzie feels guilty.

"I'm sorry. It's just my…" She struggles for what to call Alex. The words escapes her mouth before she can stop it. "husband," She blurts. "lives in Seattle." She continues. Dr Newman glances down at Izzie's ring finger and then their eyes meet. "More like ex-husband." She explains. "But we're back together now. And I want to go to Seattle cause he's there and everything. I'll stay until you can find someone to replace me, I promise. I won't abandon you. It's just Alex's is in Seattle and I miss him and…" She rambles, before she meets Newman's gaze again. The other doctor has raised her eyebrow and has a small smirk on her lips.

"Look, Izzie," She starts. "seeing as soon I won't be your boss, I wanted to give you some advice." Izzie braces herself for something, but she's not quite sure what, just that she thinks it'll be painful. "You go to Seattle. You may be a kickass surgeon and probably the best this hospital has seen, but even I can see that you've never really fitted in here. You haven't been happy here, Izzie. And if you think going to Seattle and back to your ex-husband," Dr Newman gives her a look that says 'I_'ve got no idea what's going on there, so I'm going to leave it'_, and Izzie looks away, blushing slightly. "makes you happy, I'm not going to stand in your way."

"Thank you very much, Dr Newman-" The other woman cuts in, smiling.

"Call me Julia, Izzie."

"Julia. Thank you, Julia." Izzie breaks out in a smile, as she shakes the hand of her colleague. She turns and leaves the room much happier than when she came in.

…

She thinks that she's successfully made it through her first day back without running into Ben. To be honest, she didn't even know for certain that he's come back from Seattle yet, until she walked into the Attending's lounge and there he was, reading a medical journal. He looks up, and Izzie just can't meet his sad gaze. She braces herself for shouting and anger and for a very good reason, as well. She hurt him and for that she is sorry, but she isn't sorry that she left him for Alex – even if that hadn't been her intention when she flew out to Seattle.

But he doesn't shout, or scream or bawl his head off. He just looks at her, with a piercing gaze that just screams '_what was wrong with me?'_. The look is what spurs her into talking. "I'm sorry." She admits, quietly. "For hurting you, I mean. But it was for the best. I love Alex, Ben, and I can't change that." She swears she sees him flinch when she says she loves Alex.

"I guess I'll just have to accept it, then." Ben says, stiltedly, standing up and dropping the journal on to the table. He looks at her again with his big sad eyes, and it makes Izzie do something she would never have done if he wasn't looking so dejected. She crosses the room and pulls Ben into a hug. She whispers on sentence over and over until Ben steps away. "I'm sorry."

Ben looks at her, and then he smiles tentatively. "We can be friends, right, Iz?" He mumbles quietly.

"Yes, Ben, we can be friends." Izzie replies, softly. Ben nods and then he's gone. Izzie sighs and slips her phone out of her bag. She finds Alex's number and clicks the call button. She needs to tell him that she thinks she's patched things up with Ben, and that she's one step close to moving back to Seattle.

…

It's late when Izzie walks into the tall, blonde woman who Izzie has been seeing out of the corner of her eye all day. She doesn't mean to, but as she turns the corner she walks slap bang into the woman, and they both end up on the squeaky linoleum floor. The stranger apologises profusely, and Izzie wonders why. It was more Izzie's fault than this young woman's. Izzie picks up her folders and is about to start walking away when the woman – more like girl, Izzie notes – calls her name.

"Dr Stevens?" The first thing Izzie wonders is how she knows her name, then she turns back, and starts wondering why this woman is staring at her with a _look_ that Izzie can't name on her face. "Are you Dr Isobel Stevens?" The only thing that Izzie can think of doing is nod, so she does. Izzie's staring at the floor, feeling awkward. She looks up and they meet each other's gaze. The breath is ripped from Izzie's body and she nearly doubles over, except she can't look away from this blonde stranger's eyes. Those dark eyes reach out to Izzie after nearly twenty years. Izzie stared into those eyes for nearly three years. They were eyes that Izzie thought she loved to the moon and back. They were the eyes that Izzie thought she'd see for everyday for the rest of her life. They were the eyes that hurt her. They were cold, cruel eyes. What the hell were they doing in the face of this beautiful random stranger? Izzie has only started breathing again when it hits her – why his eyes are this girl's eyes too. The girl confirms her thought two seconds later. "I'm Hannah. I'm your daughter."

…

_**Dun, Dun, Dun! I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations. Please read and review because reviews make my day!**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N I know this chapter is a bit heavy on the explaining-y side but I really enjoyed writing it.**_

_Chapter 6_

Izzie stares at the girl for a long, painful moment. It's Hannah; the baby girl daughter she gave up for adoption twenty years ago. She studies her face and mentally kicks herself for not seeing the signs until it was too late. Hannah has her father's eyes, but everything else screams Izzie: her nose, her cheek bones, even her hair is the same shade of blonde as Izzie's and yet she didn't make the connection.

Izzie feels tears pooling in her eyes and choking her throat. This is her daughter, her Sarah, her flesh and blood, and Izzie suddenly feels sad. This is most probably the only child she is ever going to have – she can blame the cancer for that – and she missed out on this little girl's childhood. Izzie knows she didn't have a choice, she had to give Hannah up – she couldn't have coped.

She begins to wonder what the hell Hannah is doing here, when all those years ago, she wanted nothing to do with her biological mother. Hannah is chewing her lip anxiously, as Izzie studies her. Then, finally, her daughter speaks. "It's fine. I know it's a shock. It's ok, it's fine, really. I'll just go, then." She rambles, incredibly quickly – a trait she seems to have inherited from her mother. Hannah turns to walk away, but Izzie reaches out and touches her elbow, and the young woman turns back, a troubled look on her face.

"Hello, Hannah." Izzie says, quietly. She feels confused and tired, and yet she dares to hope that, maybe, this could be the start of a relationship between herself and her daughter, the daughter whose photo she has proudly stuck to her locker door – something she can do here without any questions, because no one knows her well enough to ask. Ben never saw the picture to the best of Izzie's knowledge, or he never asked about her if he did.

She's found herself wondering sometimes, normally when she sees children with their parents, about what would have happened if she's kept her little baby girl. She wouldn't be a doctor if she'd kept Hannah – but she'd be a mother. It was a hideous decision at the time, but it is compounded now by the fact that Hannah may well be the only baby Izzie ever has, even though Izzie has always wanted to be a mom. She thinks about, and remembers the embryos, but even though they might not work, she realises she wants to use them – Izzie wants to be a mother to a baby that she will raise, and she wants to have Alex's children.

She remembers the excruciatingly awkward conversation she had with Ben about children. Ben wanted – still wants, Izzie reminds herself – children, and said he didn't mind bringing up another man's kid as his. Izzie shot him down before he could start fantasising and now she knows why. Izzie wants to have Alex's kid _with_ Alex. He has to be the father, in all sense of the word; she wouldn't have it any other way. She remembers something her mother used to say; _every man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad_, she even had it embroidered on a cushion. Safe to say, both Izzie's father and Hannah's father's weren't dad material. "Would you like to talk?" Izzie asks, not sure what to say to her daughter, who she gave up for adoption a long, long time ago.

Hannah nods. "Well, let's go somewhere more comfortable." Izzie announces, nodding. She turns and makes her way to the Attending's lounge – it's the only place she can think of that is anywhere near private. When she enters, only one doctor is in there. It's Pen, and Izzie groans. Her friend's face breaks out in a smile when Izzie enters.

"Hi, Iz. I thought we could…" Pen trails off when she sees that Izzie has company. Izzie realises that she need to introduce the two women.

"Uh, Pen this is Hannah. Hannah this is Pen Saunders, my friend." Hannah nods awkwardly in Pen's direction. "Take a seat, Hannah." Izzie gestures at Pen to leave and soon, to Izzie's relief, the trauma surgeon soon gets the message, standing up and vacating the room. Izzie cannot bring herself to sit down and instead starts to pace around the room.

Izzie sneaks a glance at Hannah – it still feels wrong to call her daughter that, for if Izzie had kept her she would be Sarah, Sarah Stevens. It has a nice ring to it and Izzie sighs. Instead of Sarah Stevens, the woman in front of her is Hannah Klein, someone completely different to the girl she could have been and better for it. That was always the reason. It was better for Sarah, or Hannah, or whatever she's called, and that was what came first for Izzie. Her daughter always came first. Will always come first.

She comes to a stop and turns back to daughter quickly, who is a young woman now, before turning back. She's always thought about what her daughter was doing, what she looked like, if she was clever like her mom or cruel like her father – so many what ifs and it almost breaks Izzie's heart to admit that she knows nothing about this girl that is of importance. "So," Izzie starts, trying to stop the awkwardness that is spreading like spores around the room. "what do you want?" Izzie almost winces at how blunt and to the point she sounds. She wants a relationship with Hannah even more now than she ever has in the past, and now that it is possibly on the table she doesn't want to mess it up. But to her surprise, Hannah seems to relish the question, loosening up and visibly relaxing.

"I came here because I wanted to find out what my mother is like." The statement catches Izzie by surprise. She guessing she was expecting something like '_the cancer's come back and I need some more bone marrow'_, but nothing like what she actually says. She is reminded, then, of how similar they are, even though they've never met, not properly. They both look similar, and they have both survived cancer. Izzie wonders if there are anymore similarities hiding round the corner. "I wanted to know what the woman who gave birth to me is like. I wanted to know anything about my father cause I now nothing. I wanted to know why I am why I am. I wanted to know why you gave me up." She pauses, swallowing. "But most of all, I wanted to know that my mother loved me." Izzie turns back now, tears welling in her eyes, and it takes all her will power from erupting and screaming to the whole world that she loves her daughter, always has and always will.

"Why?" It's the only word that will leave her lips. She has to know why her daughter has chosen now to come and ask these things. She's had many years to search her out and yet she hasn't, and why is now different? "Why now?"

Hannah flicks her eyes to ground and then back up again, staring Izzie in the eye, as if challenging her or defying her in some way. "You are my mother. You're not my mom. Caroline Klein is my mom. That doesn't stop me wondering and imagining what you were like. I've done it ever since they told me when I was seven. They didn't want to have secrets." She pauses, but doesn't break the eye contact with Izzie. "In my head, I never imagined you to be evil, you know, there was always a reason you gave me up – a good one, a real good reason." Izzie shuts her eyes, wondering if her reason is good enough for her daughter. "I think I've loved you ever since I knew about you." Hannah speaks quietly, but still her words take Izzie's breath away. "Not in the way I love my mom, in quite a different way. But I do. I love you. I've never really thought about it until recently when I realised that I actually love you. You are the reason I'm here, I guess, and for that I'm grateful. But you're my mother and for that I love you." Izzie feels a tear stray down her cheek at Hannah's words, her muddled explanation that Izzie gets instantaneously. Even though Hannah's never met her, the bond of mother and daughter is still there, the love is still there.

Izzie doesn't say anything - she can't. Standing there, in the Attending's lounge, staring at her daughter, she is transported to that morning she gave birth as a terrified sixteen year old and she held her little girl. She felt love then she didn't feel again until her wedding day - pure, unadulterated love. "What's my father's name?" Hannah asks, in a change for the conversation.

Izzie can remember his face like she saw it yesterday. The dark hair and the matching eyes – eyes he gave to his daughter – and captivating smile. Izzie had thought she loved him and for two years he encouraged her to believe that. He was kind and friendly and utterly, utterly brilliant and Izzie thought that he was the one until…

Well, until she turned up on his doorstep in the pouring rain and told him she was pregnant. She'll never forget the look on his face when he told her to go to hell and slammed the door in her face. It was his eyes. Fire lit up his eyes, and danced in the shadows of his soul. His cold, cold soul. That was the moment she realised she never meant anything to him and now he was just throwing her away, like an old broken toy. She had certainly felt broken.

He'd moved on by the time she returned to school a week later, with a blonde bimbo called Tracy. When they'd first crossed paths again, he promised Izzie that there were going to be no little accidents with Tracy involved because she was much cleverer than her. In fact, he had led the cat calls and choruses of 'slut' that had resounded around the halls. She had never heard a bad word against him, even though it took two to tango and he was as much a part of their baby as she was. That had hurt even more that the look on his face, the fact he tried to distance himself from his kid. It was his baby, for god's sake!

He had done one thing that had involved his baby - but now staring at Hannah's beautiful face, she feels sick thinking about it. He had given her money to get an abortion. Safe to say, as evidence by the girl opposite her, she didn't go through with his plan.

After she gave birth, she tried to give him a picture of their daughter but he ripped it up in front of their whole biology class, causing her more pain than she had admitted at the time.

She'd stuck it out at the same school as him until she had left for college and she hasn't seen him since, not that she would want to. He was destructive then and Izzie doesn't think he'll have changed.

She'd always had suspicions that he'd do it again. She remembers it was when she was in 12th grade when she'd first heard the rumours. They had been confirmed when his girlfriend had fled the cafeteria in tears at lunch time after he had walked into the room. He laughed then and Izzie had known then that he hadn't changed and that the rumours were true. He'd done it again.

Tracy had sought her out and asked her what to do and the first thing that Izzie felt like doing was laugh. He had told her that he wasn't going to get Tracy pregnant but now, two years on; here she was in just the same predicament as Izzie had been in. Izzie had felt sorry for the girl, who looked about five years younger than usual when she was sobbing her heart out, but Izzie had told her the truth. She had told her that getting involved with him was like selling your soul to the devil or playing with fire, you were bound to get burnt. Tracy had had her baby and, if Izzie was remembering right, it had been a boy, so somewhere out there; Hannah has a half-brother. Izzie can't remember for the life of her if Tracy kept her baby or not. Izzie doesn't think she did.

She wonders for the first time about what he's doing now. Izzie wonders if he's had any kids since the two 'little accidents' he had fathered at school. She wonders if he's married and definitely if he has any more kids, for those kids, along with Tracy's little boy, would be Hannah's half-siblings. Most of all, she wonders if he's happy. She doesn't know why, but she likes to think that he ended up miserable. It sickens her to think that maybe he's out there, earning more than her, with flash cars and enough money to have a bath in, and a playboy in every sense of the word. It sickens her even more to think that maybe he is happily married with a couple of kids and a stable, well paid job. If that's the case, she wonders if he's told her about his two kids that he fathered when he was sixteen and eighteen and that he promptly disowned.

"Rhys Swallow." She says quietly, and the name feels strange in her mouth. She hasn't said it for years and years, since the day she left to follow her dream to become a doctor. Hannah absorbs the info and nods. Izzie sighs and rubs her forehead with the palm of her hand. She yawns and slips down into a chair opposite Hannah. "Ask away, Hannah."

And she does. Izzie spends nearly two hours explaining to her daughter about her father and how he and Izzie met – in a swimming pool, of all places – and how she came to be conceived. The thing that surprises Izzie the most is that when the door the Attending's Lounge opens, she just barks at whoever it is to leave, and they do. Nobody interrupts then.

Izzie explains how Rhys openly despised the idea of being a father and Izzie watches Hannah's face fall at that. Izzie can only guess that when her daughter imagined her mom, she imagined her dad as well, all together as one happy family. Maybe Hannah expected her mother and father to be married, childhood sweethearts who made it through the years, but the truth is that she and Rhys were none of those things.

She explains how she decided to carry on with her pregnancy and is candid about how she left it up to the last minute to decide what she was going to do with her baby. She admits that it broke her heart to give Hannah up, but that it was for the best. Hannah seems to take this well, seemingly understanding Izzie's motivations. She tells Hannah how she secretly named her Sarah.

She doesn't leave out a single detail; her daughter is twenty one, old enough to hear the full story of her beginning, even if it isn't what she wants to hear. When she finishes, by telling Hannah what happened the day she got taken away, Hannah asks her to tell her about what happened after, and Izzie gets the idea that Hannah wants to build up a picture of her as a person.

And Izzie does tell her. She tells her about how she has a half-brother somewhere out there because her father had another child before he was nineteen and that she doesn't know if Rhys has had any more kids because she hasn't seen him since she left school. She explains how she went to med school and became a doctor. She talks about Meredith and Cristina and George and Alex.

She cries when she talks about George dying.

She cries when she talks about her wedding day.

That confuses Hannah, until Izzie explains that she got divorced not long later, but that it was a mistake and she is now back with her ex-husband, she's now back with Alex.

She finally reaches today, after tearfully going through why she left Alex and how much it hurt her when he told her to go. She informs her daughter about Ben and how she hates herself for stringing him along. She says how much she loves being a doctor. Finally she explains that she might well not be able to have any more kids, but that she wants to have children with Alex. Izzie makes a decision then.

She wants kids with Alex and there's no harm in starting soon. Meeting Hannah has made it obvious to Izzie that they cannot wait much longer. Hannah is twenty one. Soon, it's going to be too late, cancer or no cancer. Her biological clock is counting down.

In response, Hannah explains everything that has happened in her life. It hurts Izzie more than she ever thought possible to hear about her daughter's first day at school, or the time she scarred her shin playing crazy golf – no, Izzie wasn't sure how you did that, either – or about her first kiss, or her first day of college. Izzie is shocked when she discovers what Hannah is studying at College. Her daughter is following in her mother's footsteps. She is studying medicine with an eye on becoming a trauma surgeon. That makes Izzie smile.

When Hannah finishes, they sit in awkward silence for a few seconds, before Izzie speaks. "I love you, Hannah, more than you can imagine. You are my daughter and nothing will change that in my mind, even though you don't feel the same. I understand that you feel that Caroline Klein is your mom. I totally get it. I just hope that you understand a little more about me, and why I gave you up, that's all I ask for." Izzie speaks quietly, waiting for a rebuff any second. She thinks that she and Hannah have broken new ground, and maybe this is the first step in a relationship with Hannah, but she doesn't want to get her hopes up. Just swapping Christmas cards would be enough for her.

When Hannah speaks, Izzie can tell she's thought about her words a lot, that they're carefully weighed. "I understand, I do." Izzie nods, feeling a weight lift off of her shoulders. "And I'd like to keep in touch, if that's okay with you." Izzie nods, trying not to look too eager, when really, all she feels is pure happiness inside. They swap numbers and agree to go out for dinner the following Friday – Hannah's last day in New York. As Hannah is about to leave, Izzie asks her a question that has been biting at her insides all afternoon.

"Are you going to look for Rhys?" Hannah doesn't look at Izzie then, and she already knows that answer before her daughter speaks. She wonders how she has already come to be able to read Hannah like an open book.

Hannah nods, and Izzie feels oddly relaxed. To be completely honest, she _wants_ to know what happened to the boy who turned her life upside down. She wants to know if he's happy. She wants to look him in the eyes when he sees his grown up daughter for the first time. She wants to see his reaction. Izzie wonders if he'll care. "When you find him, let me know." Hannah nods. "Because, boy, I want to see the look on his face, Hannah." She nods, completely understanding and, she thinks, sharing, Izzie's sentiment.

Hannah turns and walks out the door and Izzie realises that she forgot to ask a question. How the hell did she find her?

…

Pen comes in after a while and they talk about trivial things until Pen can't keep it in any longer. "Who was Hannah?" And so, for the second time that day, Izzie explains about the baby she gave away. Pen hugs her after she finishes, and Izzie would be the first to admit that she needs some affection shown to her. She wants Alex badly. She wants him to hold her and tell her that she did a good job with Hannah, that she's on the way to a stable, happy relationship with her daughter, to tell her that he loves her over and over again.

Pen leaves and Izzie reaches for her phone. She finds Alex's number quickly. It rings out for a few seconds and then he answers. "Alex, you not going to believe who I met today…"

…

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